the call light goes off every 2-5 minutes. i can’t blame mrs S. after all, i made it so clear, even a one year old would definitely get it. “mrs. S, my name is May, i’ll be your nurse tonight.” and with all the sweetness i could muster, the most famous line: “if you need anything, just use the call light.” i was sincere of course.

so there she was, just warming up her hand with that call light like it was a pair of leather gloves.

when she called for the 14th time just within the first two hours of my shift, i knew right away (yeah, i do get things that quick!) that this is going to be one of those nights. you know, those nights when you seriously rethink your choice of career.

“do you need anything, mrs. S?” she rolled her eyes, nonverbally telling me: duh, you think i’ll use the call light if i DON’T need something?

” can you pull my pillow towards the left?” that’s easy.

call light goes off. 15th time. i look at the clock, 2117. the night was young.

” hon, you pulled the pillow too much to the left, can you pull it just a little bit to the right? ” no problem.

at exactly 2119, i was still drying my hands after leaving her room! 16th time.

“i’m really uncomfortable with this pillow, can you do something?” of course she saw the clueless look on my now worn out face. i remained standing, still clueless about what it is exactly that she wants me to do. i did not learn mind reading in nursing school. i do regret that now, and wish i did.

exasperated, obviously hating the fact that she was so unfortunate to have such a stupid nurse, she motioned me to go to the left side of her bed, and asked me to pull the pillow towards me, “just a tiny bit, hon ” she said. she moved her head a little bit here and a little bit there and finally thought it was a masterpice. “now, that’s just perfect!” to be honest, she and the pillow were in exactly the same position five minutes ago, before this whole thing about pulling towards the left and pulling towards the right started. it wasn’t really necessary to point that fact out, so i smiled before leaving the room reminding her that if she needs ANYTHING, she knows what to do.

and believe me, she knows! 17th time.

this time, D, another RN, who painfully witnessed the whole drama unfold like a predictable soap opera, and was actually counting the times the call light went off, stood up to answer her call. he didn’t really go inside her room, he just stood outside the door. and this is what i over heard: ” you need help with your pillow mrs. S? okay, so you want it pulled to the right? pull it. what do you mean you can’t? mrs. S, i see your hands are perfectly able to do that. see, i told you you can do it. so now, i don’t want you to call every two minutes asking me to do something you are perfectly able to do yourself. you know i have other patients too.

with that, mrs. S fell asleep. D lectured me on being masochistic and all that. that i should never let patients abuse me. that the whole thing is ridiculous. well, words to that effect anyway. “do me a favor, the next time she calls, go back there, unplug the call light and finish the shift in peace” D said.

i can’t do that! i am a patient’s advocate. the call light was invented for a reason. and it doesn’t matter if mrs. S is using it as a hand warmer. at least, it means she is not that sick to figure that out. did i tell you being optimistic is a good thing if you are a nurse? yeah, D thinks i’m hopeless, and i think he means well. bless his heart.

and oh, it wasn’t such a deep sleep. 18th time.

” just take the pillow out hon, i think i will be better off without it.” i was definitely at the brink of loosing it, but i managed a quick smile. taking the pillow out, i said good night.

i go out of mrs. S’s room wondering if nurses would be better off in hollywood. with very little patience left, i was certain that that quick smile was award winning. if you saw me pull up the sheets, pull down the sheets, turn on the light, turn off the light, move the table to the right, move the table to the left…you get the drift, i won’t bore you. and then you see me with that signature smile on my face, you’ll think the oscar should go to me. well, not really.

the world is a classroom, and i was just at the patience class. for 12 hours! to be honest, it was a little bit tiring, but it wasn’t THAT boring.