she was not my patient. and she never will be.

a red, bold, all capitalized note glared accross her name on the charge nurse’s patient list.

it said:

“DOES NOT LIKE ASIAN NURSES”

honestly, that does not bother me anymore. after taking care of patients who are very vocal about their desire not to be touched by nurses whose skin color they do not like, i got immuned to the so called “racial preference”.

one night, on our white board, where the charge nurse writes the names of nurses and the room numbers of patients we are assigned to, i saw this:

Amy-San
Cathy-San
Roger-San

the non-asian nurses, DO NOT WANT her as a patient. they cleverly thought that the “San” added to their names would make it sound asian. it sounded funny of course, but they still have blond hair, and she wants them.

P is a 24 year old quadriplegic. a victim of a vehicular accident, i assumed she has not fully grasped the life that is ahead of her. two months ago, she was the typical young woman who envisioned life to the fullest. ahead of her was a future limited only by her imagination. in an instant, everything changed. now, her whole life is limited. a tracheostomy to breath, a valve on the tracheostomy to talk, a nod, a shake of the head, and a lot of drool. there is so much she cannot control. the nurses, she can.

she bangs her head on the call light every minute. literally. move the glass of water a little bit to the left. oh, to the right. give me a sip of water. oh, another sip. turn the tv on. oh, turn it off. do this. do that. the call light was constantly on, that the other nurses felt for whoever was assigned to her, and would voluntarily go and see her to relieve the assigned nurse.

when an asian nurse goes to her room to ask what she needs, she goes: “oh, never mind”.

what she doesn’t realize is that most of the times, when we have ten nurses working, 7 or 8 out of the ten are asians. and if the non-asians do not like to take care of her, who will take care of her?

she wants to be turned once, and M, an asian, went to help T, the nurse assigned to her. she demanded that only T turns her. when T told her she can’t do it by herself, she made sure that M was only holding the blankets, and “be sure not to touch me, because i don’t want your hands on me.”

she is lucky we cannot really literally leave her without a nurse, even though the non-asian nurses refuse to take care of her.

i find it mind boggling that somebody can dislike a certain race that much. i had no energy to find out the reason behind it, but i’m sure there is an explanation. i was not allowed to go near her, so i guess i’ll never find out if she was betrayed, molested, or raped by an asian; if her mother was molested, raped, or killed by an asian…

still, i feel for her. and i wonder how am i going to handle a situation like hers.

only, the story, does not end there.

last week, i found out her two sisters threatened to sue because they think her hair was cut too short. the patient requested a haircut, and the nurse was able to arrange one, by requesting the hospital salon to send somebody to do it for free. free. P did not complain outloud, but apparently, she did not like that it was too short.

and yeah, they will sue because the haircut has emotionally disturbed her.

i say: haircut or no haircut, she is already emotionally disturbed. and by the way, even if she drowns in her own drool, i will not, i repeat, i will not go and suction. after all, what if i touch her face on the process. that will definitely ruin her emotionally, right? right. i do not have time for a lawsuit. i have asian kids who need me.

now, I am emotionally disturbed. and unfortunately, i have no one to sue.