guys, i need an explanation
i was naked. i put on the gown.
i put my feet up, and she did what she had to do.
it didn’t matter that i have been dreading this time of the year for the whole year, and was supposed to have psyched myself up so i was supposed to be prepared. i still wasn’t. and i still hated it.
yeah, like a good girl, i willingly subjected myself to have a pap smear. and as a bonus, she did a rectal exam as well. and all she said before putting the whole of her finger up in my behind was: “this is going to be a little uncomfortable.” a LITTLE uncomfortable? well, she could say that again. a “little” was certainly more than enough.
i am trying to forget everything that happened in that little office the other day. after all, there is definitely no reason for me to say i was harassed right? i was a consenting adult.
but just like any doctor’s visit, the nurses usually go into this small talk mode/mood to try to put the patients at ease. not that it will make the experience less horrible, but they think it will at least take the patient’s mind away from that evil little steel instrument called vaginal speculum.
well, what can i say, the attempted small talk that the nurse recited while she was checking my hemoglobin and doing my vitals, was actually interesting.
when i started my litany on how i hated the idea of opening my legs apart on these occasions, she said: “yeah, all the things women go through. somebody actually told me that if men have to go through all the things we have to, then there will be a lot of fatherless children in this world.”
…”because?” i asked.
“because men would rather just die than go have an annual pap smear or mammogram or even just a physical. we are not even talking about hours and hours of torturous labor and delivery here. just simple, physical exam with a little poke of this and that.”
i was thinking she was just trying to be nice, making me feel like a real grown up so i would spread my legs with gusto, and not give her boss a hard time. but now that she mentioned it, i made an inventory of people i know who chicken out when it comes to going to the doctor, and would turn pale at the mere mention of a simple shot. it turns out, most of them are men.
hhhmmmm…
Yep, this makes me think it’s about time I headed to the doc again. Thanks for the honesty and the reminder. Better embarrassed than dead
Comment by Allen Searls — November 11, 2005 @ 4:37 pm
It never seems to get easier, does it?
Comment by junebee — November 11, 2005 @ 5:19 pm
i’m due for my annual visit too. i agree with junebee that it never seems to get easier. if i think about skipping, that inner voice pipes up and reminds me about what i learned in school and that it’s for my own good. not a real comfort, but more of a motivator… ~ marj
Comment by unsinkablemb — November 11, 2005 @ 7:45 pm
i am about a month overdue for my annual-everytime i think about calling i just talk myself out of it, but i know i gotta do it.
it’s not that i mind doing the whole “ok, you might feel some pressure” thing…it’s just…somethin about it i guess.
i always decline the rectal part of it-i mean…sheesh….dinner, candles, and some music would be nice ya know….i just can’t go jumping into something like that lightly.
Comment by kimmyk — November 12, 2005 @ 6:07 am
I haven’t had a Pap smear or a breast exam since my gynecologist retired and I couldn’t find a suitable replacement. I hate to admit it, but that was over 20 years ago! I just couldn’t take the invasion any more or go through the hassle of vetting out new doctors ’til I found one I could at least tolerate. Hey, I went through menopause without an OB/GYN, why do I need one now?! ;^p
I haven’t had much luck with mammograms, either. More often than not, they were extremely painful, so I just stopped making the appointments. The only reason I had one a couple of months ago was the fact that my primary care physician guilted me into it. He logged onto the HMO’s appointment system and signed me up for a mammogram that afternoon. Don’t know why I went, but I did and the experience was OK this time. But what about next time?
Anyway, because I’m tired of being nagged about it, I’ve made an OB/GYN appointment for early December. Wish they’d administer Versed before the exam so you’d at least not remember about it afterwards. Hey, if they can do it for colonoscopies and endoscopies, by not OB/GYN exams? Plumbings, plumbing, right?!
Oh, well, maybe I can just put on my headphones and play music to take my mind off what’s going on down below . . .
Comment by Catherine — November 13, 2005 @ 9:48 am
and that is why the plan is for the women to have the babies. It is a survival mechanism
Comment by TriMom217 — November 13, 2005 @ 1:06 pm
I have spoken with many women that have put off gyn exams and regretted it to “death”. I lost a lovely older friend to vuvular cancer. She figured since she wasn’t “using it” anymore, why look at it? How sad! She was a great humanitarian and I miss her very much. Please get your exams!!!
Comment by Nurse Practitioners Save Lives — November 13, 2005 @ 4:14 pm
Two words: prostate exam.
The last one I got was inflicted upon me by a drop-dead georgeous female P.A. at my doctor’s office. Thank the stars above she is a Mormon. That’s what I kept saying to myself as I mentally managed to “keep it down.”
She’s a Mormon she’s a Mormon she’s a Mormon over and over until it was over and I could pull up my special “going-to-the-doctor” underwear.
Sorry. That was probably too much information.
Comment by shrimplate — November 14, 2005 @ 6:29 am
I hear ya, girl. I hear ya. Being a nurse makes me a horrible patient.
Comment by razz — November 17, 2005 @ 12:54 pm
Well, you might be a little concerned about spreading your legs and having someone poke you but it is the best thing you can have done. My wife gets checked every year and now it is more then that because we have found that she has HPV. This can only be found thru a pap smear and i a male say every woman should be checked for this! Yes to have someone touch you and see you that you do not give yourself to might be a hard thing and it is for a man to BUT, when it comes to your life or your pleasure what comes first.
Comment by maltese — January 1, 2007 @ 1:54 pm