i worked thanksgiving night.

i dragged my heavy ass to work determined to have a grateful spirit.

well, the freeway was almost empty. also, i parked closest to the building. the hospital gave us free food. i have my loved ones. i have my friends. and i left the house showered with wet kisses from the little ones. it is always an overwhelming feeling, to drive away with three men (one grown up, and two, trying to look grown up) standing at the garage, waving endlessly nonverbally saying, “come back soon, okay?”

also, whether others acknowledge it or not, i know for sure that there is Someone faithful who always gives me free air to breathe, and lets the sun shine. i have everything i need, and as if i am really nice, i have a lot of the things i want. i am grateful. beyond words.

i clocked in with a real smile on my face.

then, i looked behind me, and i saw the “blue leather covered thing”. i have no idea who designed this corpse cart; but i hate it. well, maybe not really because of its design, but the fact that it is telling me somebody’s son, or daughter, or mom, or dad, or spouse, or friend, just left.

i found out very little about the dead guy. in his early 40s. married. he just came from the cardiac ICU. he was terminally ill. it was expected. they’ve been “prepared”.

still. it sucks that people die on a holiday. it sucks because everytime you remember that holiday, you remember something sad. you spent your life celebrating thanksgiving with all the joy and noise of having your family. then, all of a sudden, your memory never goes back to those lovely years. all you remember is that chilly thanksgiving night when you have to sign the death certificate. and the sight of that ugly, cold, blue leather thing that wheeled the body away.

i tried to think of that guy being grateful. i mean, if he could have raised his voice in thanks before he passed, he probably whispered to his wife that he was happy to have her there. he probably thought of how he finally can have that needed “rest”. no more needles, no more tests, no more pain. no more uncertainties, no more frustrations, no more sadness.

it lightened my mood a little bit.

but still. it sucks that people die on a holiday.

not that it doesn’t suck when people die on a regular day.

it’s just that some turkeys can be pretty big and heavy, it is difficult to prepare it alone.