February, 2006 Archive

i got my valentine present three days ago. like the rest of the men who were apparently living in mars before they realized that women live in venus, my husband would rather get me something i like, than guess and be disappointed with my unenthusiastic reaction.

i have been going to WAA (watch addict anonymous) for years now. let me tell you, whatever they are doing there is definitely not working. because yes, i am still into it. my name is May. and i am a wrist watch addict.

it is no surprise that i “forced” him into getting me another watch. i am perfectly aware that i only have two wrists, and it is quite illogical to have more than two watches, but i’m an addict, that’s my excuse.

anyway, going to a fancy restaurant and having a romantic dinner is out of the question. because let’s be honest, what is so romantic about picking up little pieces of bread on the floor? or asking for a ton of napkin to dry spilled orange juice from the fancy table? or enduring the irritated looks of waiters nonverbally asking what is wrong with us by taking a three year old and an 18 month old to dinner like we’re some kind of insensitive stupid morons?

no fancy romantic dinner for us.

we might drive through some fast food and get some fries and chicken nuggets. or go to this cheap vietnamese restaurant, where you can swim and drown yourself in a delicious humongous bowl of noodle soup for $4.75. then, the kids can go home with those little candies from the vending machine given by the waiter because he felt sorry for the boys hanging around the machine, touching it like it was some delicate piece of expensive furniture. where they don’t care if the kids decorate the floor and the table with noodles, because all they worry about is how to say “more water?” and be understood.

how about you?

are you going to be mushy and gooey tomorrow?

eat in one romantic corner of a posh restaurant and finish your meal with an endless pledge of love for each other? or light up those candles, give the kids a little dose of ativan, and endlessly pledge your love for each other?

whatever. even if you are clueless about the whole story. or even if you think tomorrow is just one of those things that hallmark and whoever sells roses and chocolates and lingerie use to stack up on their annual income. just be together and have fun.

have a good laugh and enjoy each other.

like you used to.

and if you are alone, have fun. enjoy a good book, dance to the music, and get yourself a box of chocolate. accept the fact that this day is a cruel way of reminding you of that somebody you want to be with but can’t. remember, it is better to be alone than be with the wrong person. and like any mature grown up, tell yourself this is just one day of your life, and you can’t let it ruin the rest of your year.

suck it up.

like i used to.

hang in there, and be prepared.

when the time is right. the right person will surprise you.

he or she might even give you another wrist watch.

if life is just like being a nurse…

you know, you go to work for 12 hours. you show your patients you care. you get complimented and appreciated for doing your job well, or get criticized for being negligent, depending on what kind of patients you get to take care that night. you hang out with your coworkers and have fun, or hate every minute of it depending on who is working with you that night. you get amazed at how some doctors having the ability to manage their ridiculous time and workload and still be able to talk to patients and families at 3 AM with a smile after being awake for 48 hours, or get pissed at how some doctors get confused and think the world owes them something; depending on who the on call doctors are that night. you go home tired and sleepy. you put your ear plugs on, close the closet door, and just before your eyes close, you give yourself a little pat in the back because even after a physically and emotionally draining night, somehow, you have made a difference, and that makes everything worth it.

but life is not like being a nurse. it goes on and on and on, and on. beyond the 24 hours of the day. beyond the 7 days of the week. beyond the 30 days of the…

you know, you live everyday with or without a plan. you do everything you can to be a useful person. a good mother. a loving wife. a caring daughter. a helpful sister. a sensitive niece. a reasonable daughter in law. a worthy friend. you finish the day with your heart overwhelmed with every possible emotion ranging from elation and love to disappointment and pain. at the end of the day, you turn off the lamp, thinking you still have accomplished nothing, and you still have a long way to go. then you wake up and go through the same process. everyday. every night. every time.

it is true that i am a work in progress. it fascinates me that the progress of the the work called “me” has been quite complicated lately. it is occasionally exhausting, but life goes on. and on it must.