when you know that recapping a needle with both hands is a big cardinal sin and is the very reason why you get a needlestick, and you still do it because you think it will never happen to you…you know it is no big deal, but that does not change the fact that you are stupid.

that you are busy, and was thinking about other more important stuff while recapping the needle, are lame excuses, and you know it. you know you should just either toss the syringe with the needle in the needle bin, or just didn’t use it in the first place anyway.

well.

the same is true with hitting a parked car. or cars.

when you know that stepping on the brake, and picking something up from the floormat of the passenger side of your car might lead to your unconscious release of the brake and loosing control of the wheel, and you still do it thinking it will never happen to you… you know it is no big deal, but that does not change the fact that you are stupid.

that you are in a hurry, and there are no cars coming your way or behind you anyway, are lame excuses, and you know it. you know you should have parked the car, removed your seatbelt, before taking care of whatever it is that you want to pick up from the floor.

you go through the tedious process of the needlestick protocol by having your blood drawn a few times, filling up a pile of paper works, and a lifetime of validating your utter stupidity…because you know how simple it is to avoid a needlestick, but it still happened. there are innocent mistakes, and there are stupid mistakes. usually, for a nurse, a needlestick is a stupid mistake.

you go through the tedious process of dealing with the insurance people, of taking your car to the shop, of smiling moronically to the owners of the cars you’ve hit, and a lifetime of validating your utter stupidity…because you know exactly how to avoid hitting parked cars, but it still happened. there are innocent mistakes and there are stupid mistakes. usually, for a person with a little brain, hitting two parked cars, while picking up a small jar is a stupid mistake.

i didn’t have a needlestick.

i hit two parked cars.

and if you are wondering if i’m okay, i am. thank you for asking. will probably be paying twice for car insurance next year, but okay. will probably tell a hundred more people how i am the most stupid person earth, but okay.

i agree with everybody who assured me i should be grateful i am safe, and more grateful that i have not injured anyone. i do not trivialize that truth. i have endlessly thanked God for all the reasons i should be thankful for, but that does not change the fact that i’m stupid.

i have been blaming myself for over 40 hours now, and have angrily tossed the half empty jar of vinegar on the garbage, just before the police came. but still, i cannot get over the reality that stupidity is shamefully painful.

anyway, just so you know, i have made a resolution that i will never pick up anything while i’m driving.

not even when richard gere is calling, desperately begging me to hang out with him. i will not pick up the phone. no. not while i’m driving.

not that the idea of walking in the beach with richard gere does not make me tachycardic anymore. it’s just that i don’t want to make the same mistake, and call myself stupid for the rest of my life.