“after two months of trying! i’m so happy! i finally gained weight!”

i am totally visual, and there is  really no evidence to this joyful expression, so i eyed her suspiciously and tried to figure out where those gained pounds were hiding. maybe, the loose scrub tops was sort of camouflaging the supposedly obvious reason for this news. i continued to eye her, to no avail. unable to contain my cluelessness, i asked : “how many pounds?”

“TWO!”

now tell me, is there any reason why i should not hate this woman? i can’t think of anything either. so i told her to shut up and leave me alone. she thought it was a joke that i was dismissing her, so she continued to relate how she started doing my advise of eating at least three times a day, and she can’t believe how simple it was, and how it worked. if she was not one of those co-workers i can almost call a friend, i could have restrained her big mouth.

i can totally gain two pounds just by looking at pictures of food. and she has to TRY for TWO WHOLE MONTHS?

what is this, a joke?

it wasn’t, and she was really ecstatic, and excited, hoping that in the next two months, she can gain 2 pounds more, so she can reach her goal of gaining 5 pounds. she was very optimistic about her future in the weight gain department.

on the other hand, to say that i am pessimistic about my future in the weight loss department is the decade’s understatement. i’m stuck at going up and down, up and down, up and down (yeah, like a real yoyo) on the last 25 pounds i need to loose after two babies turned me into an insatiable, pregnant glutton who acted like it was the law of the land to gain 40 pounds with every pregnancy. and i know, it is not an excuse that they are just 18 months apart. thanks for pointing that out. yeah, my youngest is 22 months old now, thanks for asking. what’s funny?

what is wrong with this world? that’s what i’m asking.

tell me, should i just go home to my own planet, where people who find it hard to gain 5 pounds are placed in a really stinky jail and later executed, or should i stay here on earth for awhile and make the lives of people like them miserable?

to quote the great napoleon dynamite: “what would YOU do in a situation like this?”