July, 2006 Archive

to abolish slavery was a brilliant idea. i am afraid though, that a few if not a lot of my co-workers are not aware of this fact. and frankly, i have no energy to educate them.

resource RN. break RN. circulating RN. runner.
different names, one job description: SLAVE.

i did not even want to be one, but as the regular break RNs moved on, nobody really applied for the position, and i woke up one morning, i was  scheduled to work as one, twice a month. this month, i was scheduled to be one, for three shifts. since i am an insecure human being who does not know how to say no to other people whose goal in life is to abuse people like me, i had to resign from being one. that sounded weird because i did not even apply to be one in the first place, but i still did it. to my delight, our nurse manager did not even bother to ask why.

it was my last schedule as a resource RN last night, and as usual, after 2 hours on the shift, my back was killing me, my legs were killing me, and all i could do was smile and think it will soon be over.

not only that i have to help everyone with repositioning patients, paperwork, and errands, i have to deal with a larger than life headache caused by confusion.

i am so confused about:

RNs who never answer their call light because there are PCAs (patient care assistants) assigned to that patient. don’t these RNs know that there is only one PCA for 11 patients? what do they expect? that the PCA will mutate and answer all three call lights at once?

RNs who never help when their patients are transferred to a different room or unit, because there is a resource RN. don’t these RN know that there is only one resource RN for 22 patients? what do they expect? that i will just turn around and become superwoman, pushing a bed with a 300 pound patient without a sweat?

RNs who would rather die than do errands like going to the pharmacy even though their patients need the meds ASAP. the pharmacy is two floors below, and there is such a thing called elevator. what is up with waiting for the resource RN to get one single med when it barely takes 3 minutes to get it? forget about going to the cafeteria either. so what if the patient is hungry, the cafeteria is at the lobby, and the resource RN is nowhere. (maybe, i’m cleaning a patient? duh.) emptying urinals? cleaning commodes? changing soiled gowns? assisting unstable patient to go to the restroom? let’s not even go there. because wether you believe it or not, it is a fact that some nurses actually think this job is exclusively a job for PCAs and resource nurses alone.

what happened? when did it happen? did these RN just realize one fine day that they are exempt from doing anything other than giving meds and documenting because they are so full of it and they are not supposed to do unglamorous stuff? what is up with these people? where was i when this unwritten exemption rule was written?

i am tired, and i know i don’t make sense, but i really want to know where some RNs get this grandiose idea that the resource RNs were “invented” to be their slaves. the outgoing resource RN last night said, “your masters are coming!” when she saw all the staff coming in. i don’t blame her for feeling that way. and because it is at night that we mostly admit patients from ER, or get transfers from ICU, i felt worse.

i should celebrate because i will never be a resource RN again, but geez, my back is hurting so bad, and my legs are so painful i just want to lie on the floor and cry.

do you know yourself?

you don’t? this little quiz might be of help, only if you answer honestly.

1. do you have a blog?

2. do you read blogs?

3. do you find yourself enagaged in activities totally unrelated to blogging, yet you hear yourself thinking of possible titles for the blog that you will eventually write, while the event is currently happening?

4. do you check out comments on your blog and smile or even chuckle at some, especially those who agree with you; and get infuriated at some, especially those who disagree with you?

5. do you think blogging is so cool? or hot?

6. have you, in the last 12 hours said “wait sweetie” to either your spouse, your partner, your child, your pet, meaning you want them to wait till you finish reading or writing a blog before they finally get your attention?

7. have you, in the past 24 hours spent more than 30 minutes reading other people’s blog so you can post what you thought is the most witty and thought provoking comment anybody has ever read?

8. have you, in the last 3 days, been frustrated at any posting or template problem that you have encountered?

9. have you, in the last week, delayed, even for a few minutes, going to the restroom or eating your breakfast, just so you can catch up with all the exciting happenings in your blog, and in other bloggers’ life?

10. have you ever thought, even once, that  you might be addicted to blogging? only to push the idea aside, because you know for a fact that blogging is something you can stop anytime?

if you answered “yes”, or “maybe” to one of these questions, you are not alone!

if you think blogging is affecting your life and your relationship in a negative way, or a positive way (as you’ve rationalized), you might not admit it, but  you need professional help.

you might be suffering from BATS, and i feel that it is my duty, to direct you to the right physician, the one who will truly tunderstand you as a suffering blogaholic, one who will treat you with empathy and respect.

i highly recommend you see Dr. Anonymous, the owner of the official unofficial site of BA. he is highly respected in this field of specialty, and a recovering blogaholic himself. needless to say, he knows what you are going through. or, what WE are going through.

i’m excited to host this fourth (is that accurate?) BA meeting. the first one at Dr. A’s place was a blast. the second one at Cathy’s place was actually disguised as a birthday party. and the last one at the beach organized by Neonursechic was fun and food combined. i can only hope this one will be as fun and meaningful.

hi, my name is May, and i’m ah ah ah….i’m a blogaholic.

i answered yes to all the 10 questions above, except that i don’t normally say the word “sweetie”. but yeah, i have used the word “wait” a lot, all in the name of blogging.

if this is your first time in a Blogaholics Anonymous meeting, i welcome you. feel at home. i made some pansit. if you don’t know what pansit is, then your eating experience is not complete. so i suggest you find the nearest filipino you can grab and beg him/her to make some for you. Dr. A promised to bring the diet coke. but for those of us who think diet pepsi is the bomb, don’t despair, i took care of it, and we can get drunk.

if this is not your first time…what are you waiting for? put your food on the table, grab a chair, and let it all out. our journey is only beginning. let us not despair, the cure is out there…we just have to find it.

so what if it’s 114 degrees around here…the aircon is on, ice cold diet coke and diet pepsi are in abundance, you have no excuse to be uncomfortable. come on, let’s hear it…

what have you done in the name of blogging lately?

i was asked to watch the cardiac monitors so the monitor tech (MT) can go to the restroom.

a few seconds after she left, one patient’s rhythm just went flat. like the ones you see in the medical dramas on tv. just like that. no warning. 

technically, somebody needs to watch the monitors at ALL times. and technically, one has to check the patient who had a flatline. because you know, it might be that it’s not just the monitor, but that his heart has really stopped beating.

i had that fleeting moment of indecision. a dilemma, to call it lightly. i had to decide what to do. seeing that there was nobody in sight to check the patient, OR to watch the monitors, i was alone, and i HAD to do something.

i did what i thought was the best thing to do. i turned off the alarm, and ignored the flatline. i was surprised, not at my “who cares” attitude, but at how right, and how brilliant i thought my decision was.

after about five minutes, which actually felt like a lifetime, MT was back and saw the flatline right away. she literally pushed me to go check the patient, yelled for help, and told me that i should have known better. “he is really flat May, it is not because the monitor leads are off!!!!”

i shrugged my shoulders to that. “i know THAT”, i said. i dragged my feet to the patient’s room, and almost hated the fact that i was expected to check the patient. i walked a little faster when i saw the patient’s wife slowly walking into the unit. she has obviously been staying in the waiting room, and was checking her husband regularly.

when i first saw him, i knew he was already dead. he was propped up, almost upright. his face was paper white, and he looked really peaceful. i slowly grabbed a pair of gloves, slightly irritated that i had to disrupt this serene passing scene. i placed one glove on my left hand first, thinking i had to at least, do CPR. i wanted the wife to see that i did something to prolong her husband’s life. just an act, a show.

in all honesty,  i was hoping the code team will not come that soon. it was not clear to me, but  i did not want him to live. the look on his face just made me feel like giving him chest compressions would be an intrusion. he was one of those dead people who actually looked happy, and i want to keep it that way.

i realized i got the wrong glove size, so i threw them, and was upset why they changed the set up of the glove boxes. i finally got a medium pair. i was thinking about getting the backboard, but decided against it. on tv, those hot interns do CPR without that thing all the time anyway. i was just on my second compression when the patient’s wife came in. i smiled at her. i knew it was an inappropriate facial expression, but i really felt happy for this guy. he was 89, and was clearly ready to go to the next phase of his life, after enduring all kinds of pain.

i was on my tenth compression when the patient’s eyes opened.

“oh. my. goodness. he is alive!”

he was not only alive, he was furious. and rightfully so. and his wife? she was out of control.

the code team came. the room was in chaos.

my thoughts were everywhere.
and i wanted to be somewhere.
but of course, i could go nowhere.

then, i woke up.

i hate it when work follows me. even in my sleep.

“May, the family member of 11-3 wants to see you. AND, she does not look happy.”

when i get a message like this, i get ready. and i act quickly. time is of utmost importance, and so is my presence. not because i’m so special, but because an unhappy patient or family member, when left unattended as soon as possible can turn a perfectly good night into a living hell.

“hi, my name is May, and i’m his nurse. the secretary said you wanted to see me?”

with  voice about two octaves higher than mine, she placed her left hand on her waist, and her right index finger worked its way to my face, i had to move back a little.

“we are all upset. what is the matter with you people? my uncle is depressed. what is this wheelchair doing here? and why is it that this VERY prestigious hospital would do this? just because of money? you must understand that money is NOT an issue here. take a look at him, he cannot even feed himself, what do you expect him to do, just get into THAT wheelchair and start getting out of here?”

she had to catch her breath. i on the other hand,  felt violated by the index finger and its proximity to my face.

of course money IS an issue. his uncle was just diagnosed with Guillain-Barre syndrome. they took him to the ER when the weakness on both his legs got worse, just four days after he noticed the first sensation of weakness. tests and stuff were done, including five sessions of plasmapheresis. then, there was nothing else to do but send him to a rehabilitation facility. maybe he can get his legs to work better, maybe his arms will not get weaker. the docs told him and his family about this plan, and it sounded reasonable to him and his family. until…

the case manager came in with the news that no rehab facility will accept him because he has no insurance. it was decided that the next best thing is to bring in an OT and a PT to train the patient’s family members, to sort of rehabilitate him at home. of course, money IS an issue.

“my uncle has a very big family. we are talking hundreds of people here. and we will do EVERYTHING so that he will get better. money is NOT an issue. you cannot just throw out a good man like him out of your door just because he has no insurance. i know LAWYERS and i assure you, i will not hesitate to bring them here if i had to.”

she had to catch her breath. i on the other hand, felt relieved that her index finger was out of my face.

“do you understand what i’m saying? they cannot do this to my uncle. they cannot just come in here with a spanish interpreter and tell him he will be sent home with this fancy looking, shiny wheelchair instead of being rehabilitated till he can walk again, just because he has no insurance. money is NOT an issue. i can’t believe THIS hospital will do that.”

she had to catch her breath. this time, a little longer. i finally got a chance to talk, so i told her i do understand why she’s upset, and asked her what i can do to help her.

“first of all, take that wheelchair out of here, it depresses my uncle and makes him want to cry. second of all, he is always in pain and he needs pain medication. then, make sure i see the doctors tomorrow, i WANT to talk to them.”

i folded the wheelchair, placed it behind the door. and told them i will be back with the pain medication.

“i will be here the whole day tomorrow. as i said, make sure the doctors are here.”

i told her the doctors are usually here between 8 in the morning to 5 in the afternoon. i told her i will make sure she sees the doctors.  i asked her if there is anything else i can do for her.

“nothing else, i think i’m okay. do you need anything else uncle? nothing, that’s all really.”

she sighed a breath of relief. i did the same, and excused myself.

the unit secretary wanted to know what happened.

i could have told her that it was just one of those days…you know, when patients or their family members bark at the wrong tree,  usually, the nurse. i could have told her it sucked not to have insurance. i could have told her it sucked to have a finger almost touching your nose. i could have told her it is difficult to admit that money IS an issue. i could have told her i that i hate it when i hear the word lawyer. i could have told her that wheelchairs can cause depression. i could have told her i wish i have half of bill gates’ money so i can get some patients a good insurance. i could have told her it is frustrating to be a “:spanish speaking only” patient in an english speaking country. i could have told her that i did pretty good in acting like a customer service personnel. i could have told her that…

i didn’t have the luxury of time.

“i already saw the family member of 11-3. AND, she looks happy now.”