the thought bothered and disturbed me. it kept me awake for weeks.

“you better stop making a big deal out of it and sign it now”

octobers are so predictable. it is getting chilly, and watching the sunrise is beginning to get boring.

“i have given you a lot of time to think about this. you are in denial, and i cannot waste my days waiting like this. it’s just a divorce paper, stop crying like somebody died or something.”

i thought somebody dying would probably be easier, but that thought just made me feel guilty. what kind of a person wishes for somebody’s death anyway? how can he say it is “JUST” divorce? what does that mean? it sounds to me like that means something, and at the same time, it means nothing. “JUST”? just nine years? just three kids? just a marriage? just a life? just like nothing?

“there is nothing to explain. it’s the way it is. people fall in love, people fall out of love. i don’t love you anymore, and i don’t know why it is so hard for you to understand that.”

it’s not really that i do not understand, it is more like a shock. a revelation. both, at the same time. shock because i didn’t know it could be this fast. revelation because i just didn’t think he had it in him.

“okay. i’m glad this is all over. i will really appreciate it if you just stay out of my life, let’s keep it simple.”

just like that. a piece of paper, a pen, a signature. nine years. gone.

_________________

i didn’t know it could be that easy. it has been a year since i signed that paper. i didn’t know i had it in me, but i know now.

how could he be so stupid? how could he have not noticed? how could he be so vulnerable and marry her in such a hurry? not that it is important, but sometimes, i do want to say thanks to that little imp. she was the perfect bait. i mean, after all, if not for her, i will still be stuck in that boring, crappy marriage. if not for that woman, i don’t really know how to get rid of him in a nice way. not that there is a nice way, but the thought did cross my mind. now, freedom from guilt, from blah, from blame.

_________________

“i’m sorry. the pain i caused you and our kids, i can never forgive myself.”

a suicide note. a life cut short. an unexpected, sudden loss.

_________________

the supposed end of guilt. yet, also the beginning.
a secret i will continue to keep.
and try to forget.
how?  
his untimely death will painfully remind me of him…

an innocent victim of a lie told in silence.

__________________

fiction.
(i did try to write it better, but who am i kidding?) 
written to join an interesting idea started by Cathy.

go and check out all the other posts:

Cathy, from “Cathy’s Rants and Ramblin’s”

Mary Anne from “Life in Qualicum Beach”

Dr. Jordan from In My Humble Opinion

Wolfbaby from “Dreaming and Believing”

Moof from “A Moof’s Tale”

Kim from “Emergiblog”

KT from “Kt Living”

Difficult Patient from “Ripple of Hope “

Amy from Badge Bunny ?

Jasmin from Shadow Writer

Empress Bee (Of the High sea)

PK from Pearls and Dreams

The Laundress from Dirty Laundry

The Wandering Author of The Unending Journey Of The Wandering Author

Amin from Write-Now

Who Wouda Thunk It From Another Day In Paradise

Brian from Truth is Freedon

At Your Cervix (R.N.) from At Your Cervix

Dr. A. From Dr. Anonymous

Ipanema from Under The Canopy