between 0600 to 0630, most of the nurses are usually in the unit circle, rubbing their overwashed hands with lotion.

patients have been repositioned and cleaned, meds have been passed, blood sugar levels have been checked, wounds have been dressed, charts have been completed.

unless there is a patient in distress or coding, this 30 minutes are the most relaxing minutes.

it is the wait for the shift to be officially over, the anticipation of going home after 12 straight hours of pure, unadulterated, back breaking, leg killing work. 

usually, this is the time that the staff get to talk about anything unrelated to the patients. we talk about spouses. boy/girl friends. families. in laws. weddings. divorces. kids. debts. deaths. lives. and everything in between.

most of the times, our fellow nurses who were born and raised here in the US, or in any other developed countries get really fascinated with our “stories from home”. home meaning the philippines, a third world country. when i talk about people back home, i talk about people like me, a large percentage of people who are lower middle class, have jobs, but just get by.

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back home…

we try very hard to use only 1 pair of unsterile gloves per patient, per shift.
in between use, we rinse the precious gloves and hang them to dry. we reuse till they break or till the shift is over. whichever comes first.

we do not discard single dose vials of medicine.

our insulin does not expire 28 days after it is opened. it expires when the vial is totally empty.

we are not able to give antibiotic on time, with the prescribed number of doses per day. we only give the available antibiotic, when the patient’s family is finally able to borrow money from his neighbor to buy the next dose.

we do not wash our hands even if we need or want to.

depressed or suicidal patients are not always referred to psychiatry.

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the lack or absence of money is a sad thing.

it is sad that you subject your patients to possible spread of infections by reusing gloves…but if they can’t afford to pay for the gloves, there is no way you can buy gloves for every patient you get to take care of.

it is sad when you start a dose of antibiotic, and stop on the third dose even if the patient needs 14 doses.

it is sad when you have to gamble with the possible effects of expired meds.. just because you reason that your patient is better off having something than nothing.

it is sad when you cannot wash your hands after every patient encounter… not because you are clueless about the importance of handwashing, but because a lot of times, there is no water.

it is sad when people go home depressed and suicidal without being helped… but you turn your head and ignore it because there is nothing else you can do.

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back home…

we don’t do warm showers or warm baths.
no hot water. no shower. no bath tubs.

we don’t drive. we don’t do garages.
no cars. no garages.

we don’t do eat out because we have no time to cook.
nothing to cook. no food.

we don’t balance our checkbooks.
no checkbooks. no money.

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five years ago, when i just came here, it wasn’t a shock that it aggravated me to see nurses who waste supplies like they think all the supplies drop in their pockets for free. it wasn’t  a shock that it amazed me to observe that a lot of people have very little appreciation for the food they have and can have.

as i begin to blend into the stream of the american life, i begin to realize that wanting more is almost a national obsession. an obsession that at some point in my life have entered my being at such an alarming intensity, it actually made me dizzy.

here, we have everything a human being needs. food. roof over our heads. clothing. actually, not only do we have all of our needs, but we have all of it in abundance.

we have excess of everything, but we want more.

a lot of people are unhappy. they complain about their lack of everything, sounding like they are deprived of their basic needs.

a lot of people are not contented. they want things that are bigger and newer. and more expensive.

it is difficult but it must be done. in my mind, i went back to where i came from. i then remember that during the times when i have less, to some degree, i was happier, more content. now that i have more, (not rich, but defintely more comfortable than how i was back home) i owe it to myself to be happy. to appreciate what i have, not to whine about what i do not have.

it is not an easy thing to do, but i will dare say i have done it. and i am at a point in my life where not having a bigger, newer, better something does not bother me anymore.

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between 0600 to 0630, as people get fascinated with the stories, i get nostalgic. as they ask “really?” in disbelief, i am reminded of how blessed i am to enjoy the comfort of a lot of things i have never imagined i can and could ever have.

as people get fascinated with the amazing stories, i am fascinated with the idea that sad stories can be fascinating. i hope we can go beyond fascination. i hope we can go far beyond that. i hope the stories will make people think, as it often makes me think. think about the things we tend to ignore, and think about how to appreciate them.

whoever said that “happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have” was a very smart person.