he was pointing at the spot where there was supposed to be a cleavage, only, there is actually none.

“be careful, you might embarass yourself and be like…”, he said, saying a woman’s name i do not recongnize. i looked at the badge that was sort of pulling my scrubs a little lower.

“uh, she was on a famous band years ago.”

and?

“and they were having this live concert on TV, she was wearing this tiny blouse, her back to the audience. then, she turned around and the strapless blouse just got pulled down like that.”

and how is it possible that i could be like her?

“well, your…” he coughed a little bit, smiled a little bit, and again, pointed to my supposed cleavage.

okay. call when you need anything else.

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“oh May, you have no idea how i appreciate your kindness.”

i gave him a little touch in his shoulder and told him it was okay. that he got teary eyed because of too much emotion was a little over the top but understandable. but that he grabbed my forearm and and started rubbing it with his two hands was way too much for me. i didn’t know how i managed to pull my arm back and still appeared professional, but i did it. his action was unexpected, it threw me off.

“you have such smooth skin and nice arm. mine is all bony and dry. i used to have a really good body you know, a lot of muscles. i used to go to the gym a lot. now, i am just this disgusting skin and bones.”

he looked like he was in a contemplative mood, so i exited quietly.

____________________

if i didn’t know that the first guy is going to have a surgery to amputate his foot while having a big issue with his chronic breathing problems, and that the second guy is going home after being told that his rectal cancer has spread all over his abdomen and bladder, and is inoperable,  i would have thought these guys have a little too much time in their hands, that they were actually getting sexual on me or something.

but i didn’t. because they were actually nice patients who didn’t really match the description of creepy maniacs.

now, if i do have a cleavage and do have really smooth skin and nice arm, i would have thought they were sexually harassing me. thing is, i don’t. so i can only assume the morphine is to blame, next to the fact that they were extremely stressed out with their difficult medical condition. between you and me, i confess that sometimes, i can’t help but think that old men (in their late 70s), even when they are sick, are still preoccupied with sex, or anything related to it.

i could be wrong though. because honestly, the quiet thoughts of the male species in general  still continue to boggle the mind.

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on other news. i did have cardiac ultrasound today. good news is, my heart is as healthy as it can get. bad news is, while doing the ultrasound, the cardiologist accidentally saw that i have gall stone. i’m not sure if the image he showed me was magnified, but the stone was a little pointy and appeared to be about a quarter of my little finger. i will call the doctor who saw me at the urgent care clinic last week, when i was having that chest pain (which turned out to be a gallbladder pain) and see what he will suggest.

although i remember (back in nursing school, a classmate did a case presentation on this) that the cause of cholelithiasis is something that is really unknown, i know too that it is common in persons with the 3 Fs.

fat. female. forty.

fat. check (5′ 4″, 161.3 lbs)
female. check. (tubes ligated, but ovaries and uterus intact)
forty. check. (in 2 years and 7 months)

for now, i will think of something productive to do with my stone, if the doc does suggest surgery to take it out. maybe, i can sell it on ebay? or if not, maybe i can just keep it so i can be cool and walk around claiming i have a rock inside me. hhhhmmmm. people of the blogosphere, any reasonable suggestions?

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i held back in posting yet another long, boring rant about our staffing issues. my decision is to make my life less complicated by accepting the fact that we are stuck in this situation for a year. i  made a choice. i will close my ears when somebody complains. i have enough of the whining.

also, i am tired of hearing people telling me they were so proud of me for standing up and saying what they really wanted to say. seriously, what were they afraid of? most of them  have two or three jobs. even if they piss the manager off by speaking out and they fire her, they still have other jobs. this is my only job. it was discussed that we will speak up, and as i said it was stupid of me to believe they will honor their words, but it is over now. so, the next time somebody pats my back and say how proud they are of me for being so gutsy, i will not acknowledge them with a smile anymore.

as for the thought that i am not looking at it from the nurse manager’s perspective, i disagree. i know exactly where she is coming from. i am not asking her to do something against what the management is asking her to do. i just want her to consider the fact that the concept that AM shift needs 3 PCAs and we need none is just wrong on so many levels. for the record, she is allowed a total of 3 PCAs if the census is 21 and below. she can choose to have 2 on AM shift and 1 on NOC. that’s all we are asking for.

there, it is still a bit long, but this should be the last one. i am gonna rest my case on this PCA issue. so please, cut me off when i start whining again.