on the work front… 

i have been wondering what they (my fellow nurses) really feel about this whole patronizing statements.

N, is a 24 year old female patient with Rett Syndrome. she has been in our unit for almost three months now, initally with an infected PEG tube site, then just all sorts of frustrating things. taking care of her is a handful, but i do not mind. R, the patient’s mother is a nurse practitioner who works in the pediatric unit. she is on indefinite leave so she can take care of N full time. she is a very hands on mom, and i don’t mind. i’ve always had a lot of respect for parents, or anybody, who decide to take care of special children. for me, they deserve every positive thing i can offer, because the challenges they face everyday are beyond difficult.

from the very first time i took care of N, R only had good words about me. actually, too good to the point of embarassment. i do not know what i do differently, because just like every nurse assigned to her daughter, i have my misgivings. just like everyone else, unintentionally, i would miss one eye drop. i give some medications late. sometimes, i do not notice her diaper is soaked. with all the cares she requires, a lot of times, no matter how hard i try, i simply cannot keep up. R is always around, and i’m sure she sees i’m not exactly THE wonder nurse.

yet, she would stand in front of the patient assignment list every night, and if she doesn’t see my name accross her daughter’s name, she would vocally express her disappointment. “it’s not fair, when will we ever get May back?”, she would ask. when i do get her daughter on my patient list, she would cheerfully announce “N, we got May tonight, you are lucky” when i enter the room. usually, these statements are said in front of other nurses, it gets rather awkward. i have been told a number of times “she really likes you!” or “she got really excited when she found out you were N’s nurse, i wonder why” in such disconcerting manner, it is beginning to get uncomfortable.

i cannot just go upfront and ask her why she really likes me, but i can see why my fellow nurses (all have been N’s nurse at some point) are slightly slighted. i’ll probably feel the same if the situation is reversed.

i can only wish i am this dynamic, caring, smartest super nurse…then, i will never think twice in saying thanks when some hyperbolic statements of gratefulness are thrown at me like i really deserve it. oh well.

on the homefront…

my eldest little one (who is not so little anymore because he turned 4 a couple of weeks ago) had his annual urology check up and we had a little concerning news. his hydronephrosis, which was found when i was just 20 weeks pregnant with him, is “slightly worse”. i had to put the quotation marks there because the very impersonal urologist actually used the quotation mark sign with her four fingers in the air when she said it.

“it is not worse, it’s just “slightly worse”, she said. now, if you are a parent, you know that the word “slight” was not invented to make you worry a little less. the truth is, if you ask me, the word “sllight”, in this matter, has very little significance. the word “worse” however, was invented to totally rock a parent’s imaginary perfect world. you know, that world we make up in our head where our kids will never get sick or hurt.

so, he is scheduled to have another renogram this thursday. after that, who knows? the very busy impersonal urologist is fully booked, and the soonest we can see her again is on the third week of march. the waiting will be torture because he might need surgery depending on the result.

to get our mind off the possiility of surgery that terrifies us despite the fact that we are both nurses, my husband and i are faced with moving concerns. as the selling of our house seems to move along smoothly, we have things to throw, pack, and give away. that should be enough to keep us busy while waiting for the day when we meet the very unfriendly, impersonal urologist.

pardon me for being so redundant with the adjective, but there is nothing more exact to describe my son’s new urologist. since he was two weeks old, he was seen by the same urologist, who all of a sudden just left. we have no choice but to see the one who replaced him. although the former was as busy as this new one, we give him credit for at least greeting us and smiling when he sees my son for three minutes. after all, he sort of acknowledged the fact that we have been waiting for two long hours, all the while worried sick about what he had to say.

dr. impersonal however, does not know what time it was, so there was no “good afternoon” or something like that. never mind that our appointment was actually two hours ago. that fact does not make us deserving of a simple greeting. “lie up here, pull down your pants” she said. to which, our little boy robotically obliged. she palpated here and there, and she was done after less than 15 seconds. she narrated the reasons why she wanted the renogram done while writing frantically on the chart. quickly, she looked up and asked “do you have any questions?” with a tone so unnervingly cold, i wouldn’t dare ask anyway, even if i happened to have questions.

i am not saying i expect her to sit down with us, hold our hands, and hug us, because we are scared for our little guy. i don’t think i am that needy. i’m just saying that a little smile or a hint of the slightest concern wouldn’t really hurt, and would have meant the world to us.

but really, who am i kidding? i totally get it. i am reminded once again that life is so hectic in this world we individually choose to live in, it was simply arrogant of me to expect a little human touch.

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before i forget… 

to those who are interested, the essay writing contest for nursing scholarship is still on. go ahead and check it out, and make sure you submit your entries before march 19. for some inspration to ignite your writing enthusiasm, the very first non blogger entry for the contest is posted here.

and lastly, i know this is long overdue, but i know it will still be helpful. if you want some real answers to your blogging questions, the very helpful Shane, (who happens to manage this blog) just started a new blog. whether you are new or a pro at this blogging thing, if you have a burning blogging question that keeps you awake, Shane is your man. go, ask him.