March 16, 2007, 12:17 am

should a patient’s family stay at bedside?

if i am in the hospital as a patient, and i want somebody to stay at my bedside, that somebody should stay because…

…when i am not feeling well, i want somebody who cares about me to be there.
…when i am scared, i want somebody who understands my fears to be there.
…when i feel like everybody’s ignoring me, i want somebody to give me attention.
…when i feel doubtful, i want somebody who really knows me to reassure me.
…when i’m tired and weary, i want somebody to hold my hands.

i am not an attention junkie who behaves like the earth will stop moving if i don’t get noticed, but i do feel very vulnerable and needy when i am sick. anything that threatens my health distracts my sensible thoughts and makes me fearful about the future of the people i love.

i don’t mind being invisible when i am feeling all great and healthy, but…

when i am lying in a hospital bed…
     throwing my guts out like crazy,
     or after an 8 hour complicated surgery,
     or bleeding,
     or having a heart attack,
     or coughing out my lungs,
     or waiting for major test results…

would it be too much to ask that i have somebody there to let me know i am not alone?

i don’t think it is too much.

that’s why i don’t mind wanted families to stay at bedside. if the patient wants them there, and they want to be there, i want them to be there. if their presence eases the pain, either physical or emotional, that patients commonly experience in the hospital, i want their presence there.

i may be able to do something to help a patient, but let’s get it straight. whatever good i do, pales in comparison to what a needed and wanted family member does to the patient’s spirit. if somebody’s presence positively affects a patient’s condition, how can that person be a nuisance?

the family members who create tension and cause the patient’s anxiety level to shoot up is a different topic altogether. they should be escorted out of the room as soon as they get in.

i could go on and on and on elaborating on the pros of having a wanted family member stay at bedside, but that would eventually get boring, so i’ll stop. i’ll just end this by saying… curmudgeon, your long suffering spouse did an awesome job for being there for you. she, and the likes of her are always welcome at the bedside. always.

i know there are nurses who don’t agree with my opinion. care to share your thoughts? i’m curious…

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23 Comments

The facility I work for promotes the idea that we are there to provide just as much for family members as we do for the actual patients. I know some families are more difficult than others, which is where our “support team” comes into place. Over the last year we have developed what we call the “CSI” team. It stands for “Crisis Support Initiative.” The team consists of the Administrator, the DON, ADON(that’s me) three social workers, all Unit Managers, and the facility Pastor. Whenever a family member is becoming “upset” the unit secretary will page for “Any available team member.” Any of us that can stop what we ae doing can casually show up and offer support to the family. I say “casually” because we have learned that everyone running to the scene can become overwhelming and make things worse, so we all approach in a calm manner, assess the situation and let whoever seems to be taking control know that we are available if needed. Our administrator is a great one for showing up and inviting family members to his office to share a cup of coffee or soda. It gives the families a chance to vent, and it gives the “hands on” caregivers a much needed relief.

Comment by Joe — March 16, 2007 @ 3:49 am

Thank you, May, for a very reassuring response. I’ll be following the comments!

Comment by The Curmudgeon — March 16, 2007 @ 6:27 am

When my husband was in the hospital for five days with open heart surgery, I was quite relieved that the nurses seemed to welcome my presence in his room. They brought me a roll-away bed for the duration of the stay. My husband was much more at ease with me there. I’m sure it was coincidence, but the only two times I came home for a few hours, he went into A-fib. After that I resolved not to leave the hospital until he came home!

Comment by Donna W — March 16, 2007 @ 9:06 am

We had a former patient come and speak to us once. She was very young and in the ICU, vent-dependent for months.
She told us that the absolute highlight of her day was when her sister and her mom were spending time with her (even though she could not communicate that to anyone at the time.) Hearing her say that really made me think about pt’s families at the bedside in a different way.

Comment by beth — March 16, 2007 @ 10:46 am

I agree entirely.

Comment by Mama Mia — March 16, 2007 @ 11:13 am

I LOVE it when there is a nice supportive person at the bedside with the patient. It makes my life easier, because I know that person will let me know if the patient is in distress. It’s the visitors that try to tell me how to do my job that irritate me, but if it’s a worried family member asking questions, I totally understand and will take as much time as I have to assist them.

Comment by RN — March 17, 2007 @ 12:26 pm

As I was reading, I was inspired to take the opposite tactic and post about the UNwanted visitors, but then you took that on, too! LOL!

Personally, I like the peacefulness of not having to entertain anyone in the hospital when I am sick. Having a baby was different, but illness is another story.

Except my husband, of course. As long as he doesn’t hog the TV remote, then he’s out…. : D

Comment by Kim — March 17, 2007 @ 5:22 pm

So glad to read your support for family members at the bedside. The staffing shortage has become such an issue that caring family members want to be at the bedside to watch over their loved one. Although they haven’t been trained for the job as professionals have been, family members are part of the health care team. Onehealthpro

Comment by Onehealthpro — March 17, 2007 @ 6:48 pm

I have to agree with the fact that due to staffing shortage sometimes it is nice to have loving, caring family members @ the bedside as a type of reassurance for the pt, even able to do the “little extras” that extremely busy nurses are not able to do, BUT…sometimes these family members almost want you to “cater” to their loved one, to provide them with “special attention” and that is just not possible, if you know what I mean. I wish that nurses truly had the time to do all the trivial things that sometimes are what matters to the pt at that point in time, such as provide them with an extra pillow, blanket, etc. That just isn’t in the top of my priorities and I’m sorry, but preventing someone from “coding” on me is way more important to me than trying to bring an extra pillow, blanket, or whatever the challenging(”attention-getting”) pt wants right when you are attending the other person in a real crisis. Just a thought…

Comment by Belle — March 17, 2007 @ 7:13 pm

If I am the patient, it would really add comfort just seeing people around me, knowing they are there in times of pain. Pati nakaka boring din pag walang tao sa paligid hehe.

Comment by Ferdz — March 18, 2007 @ 1:50 am

I don’t work in acute care, but in a long term care facility.
How I WISH that residents had family members who cared.
Instead, the overworked haggard aides *try* to be their support system while wiping their butts etc. (

Comment by Ms.Chievous — March 18, 2007 @ 3:48 am

i have been on both sides of this, as a patient and a family member.

the first experience was when i had major surgery back in 2003. the first night in the hospital was quite a challenge, and my mom had decided she WAS going to stay overnight with me. i had weight loss surgery (laparoscopic) and i was in a lot of pain. she sat in a chair at the foot of the bed, and when i would move and thus be hurting and wake myself up, it was nice to see her there. i felt like i had a lifeline if i got to be in too much pain or scared or something. someone to GO GET SOMEONE if i felt something was going wrong. my mom is not medically-oriented at all, but it was good to have a familiar face. i admit, tho, i still held my own LOL i had a Foley in, and they didnt have a leg strap on. i called the nurse and asked for one. the male nurse volunteered to TAPE IT TO MY LEG (!!! ???) and i replied: “no. you will walk yourself to the supply closet and find the appropriate leg-strap that is the proper protocol for patients with a foley” he went. i stayed 2 nights in the hospital, but i didnt feel i needed my mom there the second night. i was moving around in and out of bed myself and improved. i told her i would call her cell IF i needed her to come. it worked nicely.

[a friend of mine urged me to have mom/someone stay in the room the first night after her experience. she had plastic surgery and the drains were filling quickly with a lot of very bloody drainage. she was kind of out of it, but her hubby was concerned. he asked the nurses to look or ask a doc. they kind of acted patronizingly to her/him and left it go… after another hour or two, he wasnt satisfied that something wasnt wrong, so he had the charge page the doctor (a little threatening never hurts when people wont listen) and when they checked her out — she was bleeding internally and had lost A LOT OF BLOOD. she almost died. and had her hubby not been there to make a nuisance of himself and threaten someone to just make a blessed call, she would have bled out]

as a family member for my father, i must say the ICU nurses always made me feel welcomed, and had no problem asking me to move to get access to the side of my dad i sat on, but also got me right back settled after they were done. the first time he coded and was in the ICU, i just stayed by the bed for a long time…well past the 9pm visiting ours. he was sedated deeply and they were giving him the best care. but i couldnt leave. until i was ready. i recall falling asleep with my head leaning on the bed near his feets, my hand across his shins - so he would know i was there. i realized i wasnt needed, so i felt i could go home. but it is nice when you are welcomed to be around however much you want, when you are a positive influence to the patient.

thanks for this post, may!
sorry i rambled so much!

Comment by gypsygrrl — March 18, 2007 @ 9:47 am

The hospital where I work has a policy against people staying overnight with a patient unless the patient is a minor, the patient is dying or confused. Mostly I think the policy is because most of our rooms are not private. I think a patient should be able to have someone with them if that will help them be more comfortable, I agree with you. We are looking into making all of our rooms private, hopefully then it won’t be such a big deal for patients to have someone with them as needed.

Comment by Heidi — March 18, 2007 @ 3:08 pm

I agree with you on this one May. I too want those things and those people that care to stay with me.

Comment by kimmyk — March 18, 2007 @ 5:43 pm

Congratulations. You’ve been tagged! Check out my blog for details.

Comment by Doctor Anonymous — March 18, 2007 @ 6:11 pm

I agree 100%, though I do agree a family member staying in a non-private room overnight could be quite stressful to the other person in the room. Then again, it is crap to have to share a room with a complete stranger when you feel your worst. All hospital rooms should be private.

Comment by Lisa — March 18, 2007 @ 6:57 pm

How nice to know there are caregivers who welcome and understand a loved one’s need for familiarity and comfort. Thanks for expressing this so well. I whole heartedly agree.

Comment by Mimi Writes — March 18, 2007 @ 7:18 pm

I agree that a family member should be at the patient’s bedside but only ONE unless that patient is dying

Comment by Rygel — March 19, 2007 @ 5:32 am

Our hospital even allows pets to visit (though they must be clean and quiet).
In my experience visitors are wanted 70% of the time and unwanted 30% of the time. The unwanted ones are, like your post mentions, those who create tension and anxiety, those who are noisy and disruptive, and those who intoxicated.
The most annoying are those ‘helicopter family’ members who hover over the patient’s bed and will not only ring the call light at the drop of a hat but also come out into the hall to make sure you’ve seen it. I’d like to fire bedpans at them.
One of the most charming family members was a Chinese woman who sat at the side of her grandmother’s bed and attended tirelessly to her–bathing her, preparing her food, humming soft songs… The gentleness of it was stark contrast to the oft heavy-handedness of a large hospital.

Comment by beajerry — March 19, 2007 @ 6:39 am

I would have to agree that loving family or friend can be essential to a person in the hospital.

Comment by Monika — March 19, 2007 @ 8:10 pm

[…] should a patient’s family stay at bedside? - about a nurse […]

Pingback by Oriented X3 - All the Nurses who Blog... — March 21, 2007 @ 5:31 am

[…] should a patients <b>family</b> stay at bedside? […]

Pingback by Learning Difficulties Are A Challenge, Not A Problem » Blog Archive » Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know. — April 13, 2007 @ 1:11 am

Weight Loss Hypnosis

I couldn’t understand some parts of this article, but it sounds interesting

Trackback by Weight Loss Hypnosis — October 28, 2007 @ 10:42 am

The facility I work for promotes the idea that we are there to provide just as much for family members as we do for the actual patients. I know some families are more difficult than others, which is where our “support team” comes into place. Over the last year we have developed what we call the “CSI” team. It stands for “Crisis Support Initiative.” The team consists of the Administrator, the DON, ADON(that’s me) three social workers, all Unit Managers, and the facility Pastor. Whenever a family member is becoming “upset” the unit secretary will page for “Any available team member.” Any of us that can stop what we ae doing can casually show up and offer support to the family. I say “casually” because we have learned that everyone running to the scene can become overwhelming and make things worse, so we all approach in a calm manner, assess the situation and let whoever seems to be taking control know that we are available if needed. Our administrator is a great one for showing up and inviting family members to his office to share a cup of coffee or soda. It gives the families a chance to vent, and it gives the “hands on” caregivers a much needed relief.

Comment by Joe — March 16, 2007 @ 3:49 am
Thank you, May, for a very reassuring response. I’ll be following the comments!

Comment by The Curmudgeon — March 16, 2007 @ 6:27 am
When my husband was in the hospital for five days with open heart surgery, I was quite relieved that the nurses seemed to welcome my presence in his room. They brought me a roll-away bed for the duration of the stay. My husband was much more at ease with me there. I’m sure it was coincidence, but the only two times I came home for a few hours, he went into A-fib. After that I resolved not to leave the hospital until he came home!

Comment by Donna W — March 16, 2007 @ 9:06 am
We had a former patient come and speak to us once. She was very young and in the ICU, vent-dependent for months.
She told us that the absolute highlight of her day was when her sister and her mom were spending time with her (even though she could not communicate that to anyone at the time.) Hearing her say that really made me think about pt’s families at the bedside in a different way.

Comment by beth — March 16, 2007 @ 10:46 am
I agree entirely.

Comment by Mama Mia — March 16, 2007 @ 11:13 am
I LOVE it when there is a nice supportive person at the bedside with the patient. It makes my life easier, because I know that person will let me know if the patient is in distress. It’s the visitors that try to tell me how to do my job that irritate me, but if it’s a worried family member asking questions, I totally understand and will take as much time as I have to assist them.

Comment by RN — March 17, 2007 @ 12:26 pm
As I was reading, I was inspired to take the opposite tactic and post about the UNwanted visitors, but then you took that on, too! LOL!

Personally, I like the peacefulness of not having to entertain anyone in the hospital when I am sick. Having a baby was different, but illness is another story.

Except my husband, of course. As long as he doesn’t hog the TV remote, then he’s out…. : D

Comment by Kim — March 17, 2007 @ 5:22 pm
So glad to read your support for family members at the bedside. The staffing shortage has become such an issue that caring family members want to be at the bedside to watch over their loved one. Although they haven’t been trained for the job as professionals have been, family members are part of the health care team. Onehealthpro

Comment by Onehealthpro — March 17, 2007 @ 6:48 pm
I have to agree with the fact that due to staffing shortage sometimes it is nice to have loving, caring family members @ the bedside as a type of reassurance for the pt, even able to do the “little extras” that extremely busy nurses are not able to do, BUT…sometimes these family members almost want you to “cater” to their loved one, to provide them with “special attention” and that is just not possible, if you know what I mean. I wish that nurses truly had the time to do all the trivial things that sometimes are what matters to the pt at that point in time, such as provide them with an extra pillow, blanket, etc. That just isn’t in the top of my priorities and I’m sorry, but preventing someone from “coding” on me is way more important to me than trying to bring an extra pillow, blanket, or whatever the challenging(”attention-getting”) pt wants right when you are attending the other person in a real crisis. Just a thought…

Comment by Belle — March 17, 2007 @ 7:13 pm
If I am the patient, it would really add comfort just seeing people around me, knowing they are there in times of pain. Pati nakaka boring din pag walang tao sa paligid hehe.

Comment by Ferdz — March 18, 2007 @ 1:50 am
I don’t work in acute care, but in a long term care facility.
How I WISH that residents had family members who cared.
Instead, the overworked haggard aides *try* to be their support system while wiping their butts etc. (

Comment by Ms.Chievous — March 18, 2007 @ 3:48 am
i have been on both sides of this, as a patient and a family member.

the first experience was when i had major surgery back in 2003. the first night in the hospital was quite a challenge, and my mom had decided she WAS going to stay overnight with me. i had weight loss surgery (laparoscopic) and i was in a lot of pain. she sat in a chair at the foot of the bed, and when i would move and thus be hurting and wake myself up, it was nice to see her there. i felt like i had a lifeline if i got to be in too much pain or scared or something. someone to GO GET SOMEONE if i felt something was going wrong. my mom is not medically-oriented at all, but it was good to have a familiar face. i admit, tho, i still held my own LOL i had a Foley in, and they didnt have a leg strap on. i called the nurse and asked for one. the male nurse volunteered to TAPE IT TO MY LEG (!!! ???) and i replied: “no. you will walk yourself to the supply closet and find the appropriate leg-strap that is the proper protocol for patients with a foley” he went. i stayed 2 nights in the hospital, but i didnt feel i needed my mom there the second night. i was moving around in and out of bed myself and improved. i told her i would call her cell IF i needed her to come. it worked nicely.

[a friend of mine urged me to have mom/someone stay in the room the first night after her experience. she had plastic surgery and the drains were filling quickly with a lot of very bloody drainage. she was kind of out of it, but her hubby was concerned. he asked the nurses to look or ask a doc. they kind of acted patronizingly to her/him and left it go… after another hour or two, he wasnt satisfied that something wasnt wrong, so he had the charge page the doctor (a little threatening never hurts when people wont listen) and when they checked her out — she was bleeding internally and had lost A LOT OF BLOOD. she almost died. and had her hubby not been there to make a nuisance of himself and threaten someone to just make a blessed call, she would have bled out]

as a family member for my father, i must say the ICU nurses always made me feel welcomed, and had no problem asking me to move to get access to the side of my dad i sat on, but also got me right back settled after they were done. the first time he coded and was in the ICU, i just stayed by the bed for a long time…well past the 9pm visiting ours. he was sedated deeply and they were giving him the best care. but i couldnt leave. until i was ready. i recall falling asleep with my head leaning on the bed near his feets, my hand across his shins - so he would know i was there. i realized i wasnt needed, so i felt i could go home. but it is nice when you are welcomed to be around however much you want, when you are a positive influence to the patient.

thanks for this post, may!
sorry i rambled so much!

Comment by gypsygrrl — March 18, 2007 @ 9:47 am
The hospital where I work has a policy against people staying overnight with a patient unless the patient is a minor, the patient is dying or confused. Mostly I think the policy is because most of our rooms are not private. I think a patient should be able to have someone with them if that will help them be more comfortable, I agree with you. We are looking into making all of our rooms private, hopefully then it won’t be such a big deal for patients to have someone with them as needed.

Comment by Heidi — March 18, 2007 @ 3:08 pm
I agree with you on this one May. I too want those things and those people that care to stay with me.

Comment by kimmyk — March 18, 2007 @ 5:43 pm
Congratulations. You’ve been tagged! Check out my blog for details.

Comment by Doctor Anonymous — March 18, 2007 @ 6:11 pm
I agree 100%, though I do agree a family member staying in a non-private room overnight could be quite stressful to the other person in the room. Then again, it is crap to have to share a room with a complete stranger when you feel your worst. All hospital rooms should be private.

Comment by Lisa — March 18, 2007 @ 6:57 pm
How nice to know there are caregivers who welcome and understand a loved one’s need for familiarity and comfort. Thanks for expressing this so well. I whole heartedly agree.

Comment by Mimi Writes — March 18, 2007 @ 7:18 pm
I agree that a family member should be at the patient’s bedside but only ONE unless that patient is dying

Comment by Rygel — March 19, 2007 @ 5:32 am
Our hospital even allows pets to visit (though they must be clean and quiet).
In my experience visitors are wanted 70% of the time and unwanted 30% of the time. The unwanted ones are, like your post mentions, those who create tension and anxiety, those who are noisy and disruptive, and those who intoxicated.
The most annoying are those ‘helicopter family’ members who hover over the patient’s bed and will not only ring the call light at the drop of a hat but also come out into the hall to make sure you’ve seen it. I’d like to fire bedpans at them.
One of the most charming family members was a Chinese woman who sat at the side of her grandmother’s bed and attended tirelessly to her–bathing her, preparing her food, humming soft songs… The gentleness of it was stark contrast to the oft heavy-handedness of a large hospital.

Comment by beajerry — March 19, 2007 @ 6:39 am
I would have to agree that loving family or friend can be essential to a person in the hospital.

Comment by Monika — March 19, 2007 @ 8:10 pm
[…] should a patient’s family stay at bedside? - about a nurse […]

Pingback by Oriented X3 - All the Nurses who Blog... — March 21, 2007 @ 5:31 am
[…] should a patients <b>family</b> stay at bedside? […]

Pingback by Learning Difficulties Are A Challenge, Not A Problem » Blog Archive » Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know. — April 13, 2007 @ 1:11 am
Weight Loss Hypnosis

I couldn’t understand some parts of this article, but it sounds interesting

Trackback by Weight Loss Hypnosis — October 28, 2007 @ 10:42 am

should a patient’s family stay at bedside?

23 Comments

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