“oh May, are you getting N? you are very  lucky.”
(no, i didn’t smell any hint of sarcasm there, did you?)

“he is very sweet.”
(no reaction to that one. sweet patients are not unusual)

“he is very pleasant.”
(okay, gettting a little suspicious, but still. it is not uncommon for patients to be sweet AND pleasant at the same time)

AM nurse stares at me nonverbally asking why i stupidly acts so clueless. i look at her and nonverbally tell her: “what can i do, some people are just born to be stupid, it’s a gift. MY gift! quit staring!”

“okay May, he is a difficult, grumpy guy who complains and…”
(what was the opposite introduction all about, a test? uhh okay, so i failed. anyway, there’s an “and”?)

“he hates life. and everyone. and everything and…”
(okay, take a deep breath, calm down. there’s still more “and”?)

“and i hope you have a good night with him. GOOD LUCK!”
(at last, the ”and” is over. got IT. got everything.)

____________

“can i have my dilaudid now?”

it’s not due until midnight.

“WHAT? it’s every 8 hours, it is due NOW!”

the AM nurse gave it you at 4 PM, so your next dose is at midnight.

“the AM nurse? well, SHE is a LIAR! she gave it to me at 2 PM!

okay, let me check our meds machine to find out what time she took it out, to verify the time.

“yeah, do that so  you’ll know she’s THE LIAR and…
(uumm okay, didn’t i just mention i don’t like “ands…”)

“and she’s not only a liar, she’s also….”
(lalalalalala…i don’t have to hear this)

“a LAZY ass, and…”
(yet another and? this is way too much information)

“and all she does all day is sit her ass on that chair, doing  absolutely nothing, even when i have been calling for hours…and…”
(gods of the three letter words, please let the “series of ands” stop. please?)

“she takes off her shoes, put her feet up, and sit on that chair all day. all day. and i’m just telling you the truth.”
(no, no, enough! i don’t want the truth, i can’t handle the truth)

okay N, i’ll be back to let you know if you can have the dilaudid.

____________________

don’t you  just “love” it when two adults have mutual feelings for each other?