it was a few days overdue, but i did it. a few hours ago, i set up an appointment to talk to our nurse manager about the incident that happened last week, and we had a short but serious chat.

i spent the past days mulling over my feelings, my thoughts, and my fears, that i had to delay the actual reporting. i totally understand how some commenters felt that the relief charge RN involved should be fired. i honestly get that, but i don’t share that opinion. 

some might find this attitude disgusting about me, but i am all for second chances and keeping family peace. if i may elaborate on that, i would like to say that although D (the relief charge RN) definitely crossed the line with the hateful joke he did, it was the very first time, at least in my knowledge, that he did cross the line. i don’t know, he may be homophobic, and not conscious about it, or he maybe a total jerk just waiting for his time. whatever he is, in my opinion, he deserves at least a second chance.

i want him to be reprimanded and be enlightened, that he did something wrong, and that it is not acceptable. if he does it again and i find out? you can bet all your inheritance money that i will do everything within my little power, for him to be fired, and that he will be fired with the worst record ever, he will regret ever messing with me. or, if it doesn’t happen, because let’s face it, i have very little power, you can bet your remaining inheritance money, that i will be out of our unit as fast as i can, and will warn every breathing person to avoid him like a plague.

secondly, and this might be more disgusting to some, i personally know it will greatly affect his family if he gets fired like that without warning. he has a preteen daughter from a previous relationship that he supports, and a new baby with his new wife. despite the fact that there is a nursing shortage, it is not like you can get fired today and start on a new job tomorrow. in as much as i want him to learn a lesson, i don’t want to teach him that lesson in such a jolting way that it will create a major havoc to his family.

those are the two other reasons why i kept quiet for a while. the first one was of course figuring out if i just needed to lighten up and get myself some sense of humor. i discussed it with fellow nurses, who all agreed, in an instant, that what D did was indeed very unprofessional, inappropriate, and definitely not funny.

then of course, there was the majority of YOU…who commented and shared your thoughts with all honesty. that made me realize i am not alone in being an “uptight” person or nurse, who believed helping the sick should go beyond the boundaries of how we feel towards people who are different from us. thank you guys!

that doesn’t mean i am not grateful to those who disagreed with me, because i respect your opinions too. i would like to thank you for your thoughts too. it’s just that after thinking about it, i don’t agree with you. i’m sure we are all adults to agree to disagree.

anyway, as i was saying, after all the internal debates i went through, i made my decision. i sat in that office and honestly expressed how the whole situation shocked, angered, and disgusted me. i emphasized that i was reporting it not for him to be fired, but for it to be addressed, so he will not do it again. ever. i trust that the nurse manager will be true to her words when she said she will “address it accordingly”.

one thing that is worth mentioning here, is the lesson i learned from our nurse manager. she said she totally agreed with my conclusion that it was inappropriate. however, she was much more concerned with the possibility that if i didn’t have the insight to question the said order, and did it without asking, i would have done what could have been very inappropriate  as a nurse.

a good number of people who knew about the incident shared the same view. they were not so concerned that it was a hateful attitude towards gay people, but they are focused on the patient, simply as the patient. to quote the nurse manager, summing up our talk… “anything that involves patient care should always be appropriate. period.” unlike me, she was very objective, and sort of disregarded my all emotional line…”i just can’t believe how some people in our unit can be so hateful”. she acknowledged the fact that there are a lot of phobias/prejudices about race, sexual orientation, or religion, and that fact didn’t shock and bother her. she was all for patient safety. all in the name of PATIENT safety. period.

what can i say? i maybe a bit naive but i shouldn’t be that hypocritical. our nurse manager was right and i think she has the right attitude. there are certain generalizations about certain groups of people that all of us form or embrace over the years. i have seen these everywhere, and i have seen that it defies social status, education, or background. it doesn’t matter who or where people are. everybody carries a sense of prejudice about other people at a certain, although varying degrees. i do acknowledge and accept that now.

needless to say, i have been at the receiving end of discriminating racial remarks and insinuations  a number of times in my life, and it isn’t such a nice place to be.  but the truth is, despite that fact, there were many times when i have tolerated and participated in the same generalizations myself, even if it was only in my head. i may have gone through the process of learning to respect every person’s choice, and am very comfortable in accepting and facing all sorts of different people for a long time now, but that doesn’t give me the right to be mean to other people who are still going through their own struggles, at their own pace.

if i may be bold enough to ask, assuming everyone can be brave enough to admit, who can say they’ve never been down that road? who can say they just woke up one morning and realized we all belong to one earth, and we are all the same, therefore they just accept everyone without any amount of reservation? who can say that they have never looked at a person differently because of his/her unpopular traits, choices, or orientation?

so now, it doesn’t upset me that people can be so hateful sometimes. more than anything, the thing that upsets me is the fact that people take their fears, hatred and prejudices to work. especially in the medical field, where we deal with live, feeling human beings just like us. 

in nursing school, we have been taught countless of times that when we face our patients, we have to make sure we take with us our heads to know, our hands to do, and our hearts to care. nothing else. not our hatred, not our fears, especially not our prejudices. i believe it is but natural for human beings to feel afraid, or feel ambiguous about other races, or sexual orientation, or beliefs, but it is also possible to leave all those ideas at home and go beyond all those things once we step into the patient’s room. 

i am not saying this is not difficult, because it is. the thing is, it does not matter that it is difficult, it only matters that we are aware we owe it to our patients. it is unprofessional and inhuman not to do it. at the end of the day, all patients are human beings, and they deserve to be treated with respect and care regardless of anything that they are, or that they are not.

i understand there may be people who will be disappointed with the course of action i have chosen. whether you think i have made a mistake by taking this all so seriously when all it is is a freaky joke, or you think i was not brave enough to rally for the charge nurse being fired, i won’t question any of that.

i will still welcome your thoughts, and will respect them. it is in hearing other people’s voice that we learn to listen to ours and keep or change them. it is in hearing your voices that i learn to listen to mine, and keep or change it.