you know when you self declare that you are now a mature grown up person and that you don’t care what other people say about you? especially the things people think or say about you that are untrue? you know that?

well, that is not always true. because yeah, when a few people judge you for one thing you did or say because you were honest enough to bare your soul, sometimes you still get jolted.

you know, when you write about something and out of that one, single, specific situation you are judged as a bad bitchy person who has no business being alive because you are so mean you should suffer a long, painful death brought about by karma?

well, i’ve been getting a few of those comments lately. honestly, although i still know myself better than one or two or three people who read my blog and conclude i am such a dumb heartless human being, i still feel the sting of being misjudged and being told between the lines to screw myself because i deserve a space in hell.

blogging is not as fun anymore. and it’s not even because i just want to be told nice things that i say that. it’s just that i am not that secured to defend myself against people who bluntly imply i am a bad person just because of a certain situation.

i don’t blog to be told i am an angel, i am not that deranged. come to think of it, it is also true that i don’t blog to be told i am evil.

i guess i am asking too much. after all, nobody put a gun to my head so i would discuss my thoughts, feelings, confusions (and everything in between) out there for all sorts of people to read. i have no one to blame but myself.

and for the record, just so it is clear, i am blaming myself.