in 1992, they were in las vegas, celebrating their wedding anniversary. as expected on occasions like these, they were both very nostalgic.

they started dating when they were both in high school. he was her first boyfriend. two kids and a few years of difficulties did not tear them apart. it drew them closer. she fondly remembered their very first winter here, the used comforter they got from a thrift store. “life was hard back then, but we have to start somewhere, right?”

a couple of nights in vegas was perfect in itself. but then, there was the gift. he gave her THE gift. for them. his and hers watches. not just watches, but matching rolex watches! at first, she was furious. who wouldn’t be? especially when she found out that his was $3,500.00 and hers was almost $3,000.00. what was he thinking?

well, he explained, both of them have been working really hard for years. she has been working two full time jobs while taking care of the kids, and she has been very understanding of his job in the navy. money is just money. this was a very special occasion, and he wanted to make it memorable by spending on themselves this time. even just this once.

she has been wearing that watch ever since. true, she has collected a lot of other fancy watches, but nothing warmed her heart more than her rolex. not just because it was obscenely expensive, but mainly because it was so sentimental.

this is the kind of love story that is almost guaranteed to have a happy ending. except this was reality, and sometimes, life happens to get in the way.

about five years ago, her husband went home to the philippines by himself. the reason for his solo vacation caused a lot of tension between their relationship, and rightly so. the few months preceding his trip was disturbing. she was aware of the secret messages. she was aware of the money spent on a new apartment. she was told of the rumors. she knew the other woman was young enough to be his daughter. she knew of the supposed pregnancy. and sadly, he didn’t deny.

she questioned everything she believed in. herself. him. their life together. she thought she will end up with answers. she didn’t.

then, she got the news.

he was murdered.

it was speculated it was initially intended as a simple hold up. you know, he was from the states and surely, he had bucks to spare. unfortunately, things didn’t go as planned, and he ended up in a dark alley, dead. the case was never solved, the killers, never found.

the years that followed were a blur. all of a sudden, her life was changed, and she was alone. the loneliness was unbearable. she only found solace at work, even when she didn’t need to. his insurance paid off the house, and his benefits from the navy paid off the kids’ college education.

still, she worked. and worked. and worked.

i questioned her about this many times, the first few weeks that i’ve known her. why at her age, she wanted to work six nights a week and not take it easy? “honey, i need the money…” she said at first. after a few months of seriously telling her she should relax instead of working her ass off like a mad woman, she told me the story. she told me how staying at home dries her spirit and drains her soul. she told me how she knows she should let go even without the necessary closure, but she just can’t.

she told me she goes back and forth between forgiveness, anger, even disbelief. she told me it was extremely hard. “i was 16 when i first met him you know…that is a long time. a very long time…he was the only man i loved. the only one….”

my heart went out for her everytime we talk about it. for somebody who tallks a lot, i always end up the conversation with a deafening silence. and always, i see her gently touch the watch. the now 15 year old rolex watch.

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it is my theory that buying a watch that was ridiculously expensive was her unconscious first step to moving on. finally, after almost five years of losing him. it is my theory that she didn’t find the step very easy to take. that’s why she didn’t really wear it, except when she was trying it on. it is my theory that she wanted a new watch to wear, so she can go out with those who are interested without being reminded of him. remined of how he made her happy and sad at the same time. it is my theory that her head really want her to let go, but her heart was really stubborn about holding on.

these are my theories. these theories are the reasons why i sort of understand the whole thing now, no matter how incredibly stupid it all looked at first. on top of that, i realized that given the kind of money she has, which she earned through years of honest hard work, there is no reason why she can’t buy whatever it is she want and can afford to buy.

i asked “what” when she said she might go to switzerland next year to buy the same watch, because i thought it was crazy that she would subject herself to the same psychological torture. i found it insane that she bought a single watch with an amount that could have bought her 40 or more fancy watches! i told her this over and over, and she just laughed. even when she told me that the credit card company just sent her a letter stating they will only refund 2,000 dollars, she was still laughing. “money is just money honey” she said, quoting her late husband.

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it took me a lot of thoughts before finally blogging about this. i have debated it in my head over and over. it sure sounds like gossip somehow, and i didn’t really want to tell everybody her story, but i also felt it would be unfair if i kept the rest of the story to myself.

i personally understand the thoughts that fellow bloggers had when some of you commented she acted really stupid by leaving her watch on her bag when she went to the restroom, because maybe, there is some truth to it. to be honest, i felt the same way at one point, and a lot of people in our unit still feel the same way. i also understand the thought that for a lot of people it is not reasonable to buy such an expensive thing just for a souvenir, because i also personally felt the same at a certain point.

needless to say, this post is not to criticize you for criticizing her. we all react based on our impressions a lot of times, and i don’t think that is wrong in itself. what is sad is when we continue to to criticize even if we know there might be a reasonable explanation for somebody else’s questionable action.

the whole point is, i want you guys to know that she did not just make the story up. she traveled with two other nurses who work in different units in our hospital, who unfortunately both sat far from her on the plane ride home, but were both with her when she bought the watch.

more importantly, i would like to make it clear that even if we all consider what has happened as a result of her being stupid, i would like to say that this single incident does not define her as a nurse. i have told her this before, and i will say it again here. if i ever get admitted, i’d like her to be my nurse, because the truth is, she is one excellent nurse.

i would like to apologize to her (although i doubt she will ever read this) for blogging about her life. although it looks like it, my intention is not to gossip. furthermore, i would like to apologize to those whom i have misled by leaving out details that could have changed your perspective about this whole aggravating stolen watch story.

this little situation just reminded me that blogging has its limitations. i hope i didn’t mess with your head as much as i messed with mine when i thought about all these things over the weekend.