you don’t want to be me
i have a very bad habit and i badly need to change it.
at work, when i ask somebody for help and they say/do one or all of the following:
1. “i’ll see if i can help you later.” then, they continue bidding on ebay.
2. “am i the only one here? can’t you ask somebody else?” then, they go out for a smoke.
3. “an hour ago, i cleaned/fixed him all by myself. just ME, all by myself.”
4. “can’t you just wait for the day shift to clean him?”
5. pretend they didn’t hear, and just keep on talking about how skinny angelina jolie is.
when i hear/see any of these, i end up not asking that person for help anymore. never. ever. now, after an incident two nights ago, the list of people i will never ask for help has gone up to three.
i asked our patient care assistant (PCA) to help me fix an extremely confused patient who kept trying to get out of bed. every 30 minutes or so, despite the vest and wrist restraints, half of his body was halfway down the bed, it was scary. the PCA sighed and repeated response #3 twice.
“okay, you mean i have to do it by myself then….”
she didn’t answer me directly, but when i was inside the room trying the impossible, behind my back she said “did i say i will not help? i will help.”
i never asked her for help after that. she followed me around a few times, asking if i needed help to fix the patient (which made me think she was sort of trying to make peace with me because she was guilty) and i told her he was fine, and i’ll just ask her for help later. which of course was a big fat lie, because i know for a fact that i have no intention whatsoever to ask for her help. ever.
if i don’t change this horrible attitude, i’m pretty sure that before i turn 40, i will either have a broken back, or i will learn to be one of those nurses who just look the other way. both scenarios are very depressing.
to be honest, i don’t even know what to call this thing i do. you think i can call it pride or just a bad case of rejection issues? if i don’t know what it really is, how can i start fixing it?
i don’t know.
I have no problem asking for help and if someone doesn’t help me then, I tend to ask someone else to get it done. Never, ever take care of a patient by yourself. YOU HAVE TO WATCH OUT FOR YOUR BACK…noone else will. In addition, keep in mind that we are here to take care of the patients, together! When someone denies me, I will ask them to help me again and again until they do…I’m relentless like that;) Fortunately for me, I have good repertoire with my PCA’s and they rarely if ever deny me. Sometimes it’s the way one asks too. I usually approach with the, “When you get done with what you are doing, can you please help me with Room 4? I need to get him cleaned.” That gives them the ability to prioritize needs and a few minutes leeway to finish what they are doing. If it’s an emergency though, I state that as well,”He’s falling out of bed!” That usually lights fire under people’s rumps.
I think it is your pride. You just have to figure out which is more important, your pride at getting rejected when asking for help, or the longevity and health of your back.
Comment by Vixen — July 7, 2007 @ 4:37 am
I probably should be the last one to offer a comment on this: I have real problems asking people to help me. And I don’t even give them ‘one bite’ as you obviously do.
But it’s not just your back that’s involved here… it’s the safety of your patients. And, in the end, I’m sure that will be more important for you than anything else….
Comment by The Curmudgeon — July 7, 2007 @ 6:20 am
On other cases, when people don’t respond to me asking for help, I try to look for another who can help. Maybe you should try to give people a second chance and see how it turns out. If the same thing happens again, well I think I won’t bother them again unless they volunteer if I asked help publicly.
Comment by Ferdz — July 7, 2007 @ 8:16 am
I agree with everyone’s responses on this one. You must protect yourself and your patients. I try to help my CNAs as often as I can and have found that most will help me back. If not, I pull rank. I detest lazy people at work. I have always worked with the motto, “one day it will be me in that bed”. I hope to receive what I have given over the years. Talk to them about teamwork in a group setting.
Comment by NPs Save Lives — July 7, 2007 @ 8:00 pm
It’s sounds like you’re being a martyr.
Don’t reward lazy people by never asking them for help. That’s what they want. Instead, make a point of asking them for help as much as possible.
Comment by Melissa — July 7, 2007 @ 9:49 pm
My mom didn’t ask for help with her patients a lot of the time because after a while she got tired of hearing all the excuses-well, now she’s had about 3 back surgeries and no longer works because of it. You need to think about your health May. Keep asking til someone listens and keep doin’ what you’re doing. Lazy people drive me bonkers.
Comment by kimmyk — July 8, 2007 @ 6:24 am
Nursey! Watch out for your back! I don’t mean to sound conceited, but, I’m the top nursing student in my class right now. So, people just assume I know how to do everything/know everything. Sometimes I get this fear-of-disappointing get in my way of asking a question when I have real question. I think both of our situations are about other people making assumptions; “she can handle it herself,” “she’ll be able to figure it out…” But, if someone makes a point of telling you no (or gasping at the fact that I have a question) then you’re less apt to ask next time. I think part of it is pride, part is a defense mechanism, part of it is… being logical? i think the right answer is that we ask again next time and not take their “no” personally.
Comment by Jessa — July 8, 2007 @ 6:36 pm
I know how you feel, but I’m also in the “keep asking” camp. I also help the techs when they ask unless it’s absolutely impossible for me to do so.
Since I do that, most of them will drop whatever isn’t immediate to help me. There are some, though, who do their own thing and they think you’re just constantly interrupting them, even when they’re supposed to be working.
I’m 38 and I need my back for later, thanks!
Comment by RehabRN — July 9, 2007 @ 5:06 am
Be direct in your communication. Sensitive people are so careful about asking for help and doubly rejected when co-workers do not respond. Don’t think about how you would feel if someone directly “called you” on your behavior—you are sensitive. These insensitive, non-giving people are immune to it. I used to work with a woman who was insensitive/lazy. I started using direct communication with her–very factual but always professional. Things that would have hurt my own feelings…nothing phased her. She was so rude that she was used to hearing it….I just wasn’t used to being that direct. Try it—you won’t believe it. It is very freeing to allow yourself to be honest and direct. Be George Costanza–do everything OPPOSITE from what you normally do with these people.
Comment by Misha — July 9, 2007 @ 7:26 am
It’s not *you* that needs help, it’s the patients, so you might have better luck with some coworkers by phrasing things differently.
Like saying “Mrs. So-and-so needs help getting up in bed,” then you and your lazy-ass coworker go boost her up in bed and linguistically it plays out as if *you* helped lazy-ass, instead of the other way around.
Another linguistic technique I sometimes like is the Mixed Message. This is where I pretend to be kidding around with someone when I’m really not. I might say something like: “Hey silly, get up and help Mrs. So-and-so with me. E-Bay isn’t going to sink into the ocean while we get her up in a chair, is it?”
Some people just have so much shame and manipulation in their lives that they respond poory to actual healthy discourse.
Comment by shrimplate — July 10, 2007 @ 8:51 pm
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