the heat seems to be eating up all the remaining cells in my brain.

she was all over me, hovering, breathing over my neck like a hen to her chick. it took a lot of patience and composure to act professional. at one point, she even asked me if i was wearing a new glove. she refixed the linens i fixed. she repositioned him after i did. she asked about everything i did, only to imply that i was doing things wrong.

as i said, the heat has been eating me up, so i did not have the energy to complain. the attending doctor already told her that anytime she messes with the cardiac monitor or other things connected to her dad again, like she did earlier, security will be called and she will be asked to step out of the room. to be honest, i don’t want to see that, so i kept quiet the whole time. silence would have been good if it meant respect, but i intended it to mean the opposite. frankly, i was disgusted with her attitude.

i mean, all proofs point to her neglecting her nonverbal, contracted dad. there were bruises of different stages on his rib areas, his wounds were never attended, they eventually became so gross. he was also moderately malnourished. she contradicted her own words a number of  times when asked the same questions by different people.

i don’t really understand the extreme attention to details and the condescending, demanding, on-your-face ways she proudly executed at bedside. attitude that have caused a number of nurses to be unwilling to deal with her.

why was she doing that? did she actually believe that by acting all concerned and caring now, APS will change their decision and send her dad back home to her? and the way she tried to redo the wound dressings with her bare hands, did she actually think that will disprove the fact that she had a part in making those wounds worse?

i will not say i felt sorry for her, because that will be a lie. if you want to know the truth, i wanted so bad to confront her and give her a piece of my mind, if only i am confrontational. sadly, my nature is to show disapproval in deafening bouts of silence. if she knew that, she will realize i really felt bad for her dad.

i finally had it when she was pushing the idea that the NGT has to be changed because it has a hole that caused her dad to aspirate. i showed her how i gave him a cup of water without aspirating, but she was very insistent, lifting and examining the tube like some store item she was about to buy. i whispered to the charge nurse that she had to go. i didn’t mind her being around overnight, but she tested my patience to the roof, and although i knew it was a bit cold of me to request the charge nurse to ask her to leave, it was also a relief.

when she unemotionally glanced towards me before she left, i understood that she meant she wasn’t happy to go, but i had no real sympathy. i hope i can say that it  was not because i am inherently mean and use her extremely challenging behavior as an excuse, but i can’t because maybe i am really mean. i know i should have been more patient, but i had no more left.

well….as i said, the heat seems to be eating all the cells in my brain. unfortunately, it seems like the same thing is also happening in my heart.

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random bloopers in america.

1. the first time i went to the grocery, i was a bit pissed that they didn’t give me my change. imagine my embarassment when i found out that my change was in that coin change dispenser. well, i have never seen that where i came from.

2. at Smart and Final, we were trying to walk away with the grocery cart as far as we could, but everytime we reached the parking lot, the cart wheels just stopped. we changed the cart twice, then we saw the notice that said it was meant to be like that so customers won’t take the cart home. not that we planned to, but i’m pretty sure it definitely looked that way to those who saw us. 

3. i was so fascinated and curious about the street named “ped xing”. i kept wondering how people never get confused that a lot of street were named “ped xing”. i finally figured it out, but when i remember it now, i still find it embarassingly hilarious.

4. i have never filled up gas back home. when i started driving last year, i will not do it if somebody else was in the gas station. i will keep driving, cricling the area, till i know for sure that i am all alone. when somebody comes and i’m not done yet, i would get so stressed, i would sweat like a pig. people will then ask if i was okay, because it sure looked like i was being chased by some murderer or something.

5. a patient asked me: “can i have a Slice?” i asked her: “a slice of what?” we went back and forth, back and forth a few times. she ended up exasperated and told me to forget it. i thought she was out of it. she on the other hand, thought i was stupid. and no, i did not disagree with her.

6. a patient asked me if we have half and half. again, back and forth, back and forth. the patient gave up, i gave up. nobody was happy.

ferdz, i’m sorry this is late, and that i can’t come up with 8. i have already done the random things, so i hope this is will do. thanks for the kind words.

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lastly, cathy…thanks. that was very kind of you.