their story:
     patient was soaking wet of urine at 3 AM. patient’s niece left the unit and came back at 9 AM, and found out  patient still soaking wet.

their conclusion:
     patient was NEVER changed for the whole six hours.

the daughter’s declaration of extreme intelligence and unbelievably scary threat, VERBATIM:
     “I KNOW the law. in california, if a patient is wet, she has to be cleaned and changed within the next TWENTY minutes. a lot of risks are involved if a patient is left wet THAT long. are you gonna be here the whole night? can YOU make sure she gets changed WITHIN 20 minutes when she is wet? i know who to go to with things like this and i will not think twice in involving even the president of this hospital just to get fair treatment!”

the nurse’s matter of fact response, after successful attempt to suppress indescribably hard to control laughter, and indescribably sensitive scratched ego:
     “oh. i will make sure she is dry and will try my best to change her as soon as i can. i apologize if she was wet for six hours yesterday, i understand your concerns. we’ll see to it that doesn’t happen again.”

it was difficult to keep a straight face, but with my oscar winning acting talent, it was all a breeze to stand there and not fall on the floor, drooling and laughing my big ass off at first, and then getting really hostile next. i stayed and listened to all other threats of litigation and reports, until they had nothing left to say and they sort of got tired of me just encouraging them to keep talking.

my suppressed laughter has nothing to do with being  mean, but i won’t sugar coat it and say it didn’t have a tone of sarcasm. my suppressed hostility has nothing to do with being mean, because i accept the fact that i am human and reacting to impolite, arrogant statements is something normal human beings experience. i know exactly how stressful it is to have a sick loved one. it is normal to be concerned and it is okay to be frustrated or disappointed. the patient’s family are always reacting in ways they don’t usually plan, and that is perfectly fine and expected.

however, there are a number of family members who think it is a must to flavor the expression of their concerns with such words like law, lawyer, president, and the killer line: “we will not tolerate this and will sue you and the hospital for…”. why they think this is the best approach, i do not really know, but they drain me emotionally. they suck my spirit dry.

the whole story has a lot of holes. if the patient was wet at 3 AM, why did the niece leave without making sure she was cleaned and changed before she stepped out of the unit? is the possibility that the patient only got wet again at 9 AM really that difficult to entertain? if they were so concerned about skin breakdown, was it really that unthinkable to change the patient’s diaper, since that is what they do at home anyway? when was this law written and where was i when it was discussed in our unit? obviously, we didn’t study about california law in the philippines, but how is it possible that i have never heard this from  my colleagues who finished nursing school here? is this some kind of a tricky law that is never leaked except to a chosen few, myself excluded? and involving the president of the hospital? let’s not even go there.

you know why we cannot go there? because if all patients and families who told us they will “take THIS matter to the president” were actually in the president’s office airing their complaints, call it pessimism, but i am very certain that the president will be knee deep in chores. she will not have time to discuss THIS matter with anyone, not until she retires.

i could go on and on and on being all bitchy and sarcastic, but what good will that accomplish? i guess it will prevent a heart attack, but won’t really mean anything in the end. if you ask me though, my patients are lucky that i blog. because if i don’t, where do you think will these unexpressed rant go? it is not uncommon to see other nurses unconsciously hurl it to other nurses or patients. sometimes it works, but most of the times, it just gets ugly.

the reality is, no matter how insulted, aggravated, hurt, or offended i feel towards all sorts of threats, statements and unreasonable demands i get from patients and their family members, i do not let my feelings get in the way. i put it aside, and i do my job.

i stand there, listen attentively, respond professionally, apologize even for mistakes i didn’t do, and give them the care they need, because i believe it is the right thing to do. 

when i go home, i sleep it off. i process it in my dreams. 
sometimes, i lie in the couch, my in house therapists all over me…the kids, even though they are clueless about the grown up world, always make it better. their dad, sympathetic about the work we both do, always makes it lighter. 

sometimes though, i must admit, even that kind of love and support seem inadequate. not because it is not sincere and abundant, but because the inner emotional tension is so blown up to unimaginable proportion, it gets extremely difficult to balance.

yet, life goes on.
because it must.