the alcoholic patient
the sight of a grown man crying in despair is not an easy sight.
i guess that is because i was raised in an environment where men were discouraged from showing their emotions in public. a culture which sort of degrades those men who were too weak to cry.
he came rushing after he got the phone call from our patient. she was already seated on a chair next to her bed, her IV access pulled out, wearing her clothes. she had been threatening to go home and refused every little thing her nurse requested her to do. clearly unable to make decisions for herself at her state of withdrawal, she was a concern for all of us.
when he saw her clutching one of the hospital pillows, demanding they get out of the hospital quick, he was still a picture of that man who wanted to make everything work. you know, that image of men who just want to protect their own, because they are strong.
when she started making insensible allegations and demands, forcing him to decide he cannot argue with her anymore, he broke down. he sat on the chair, covered his face with his hands, and didn’t mind that we were watching them. the heavy weight of dealing with an alcoholic wife for years just got too much to bear.
i followed the patient to the other unit, where she tried to run, thinking she knew where she was going. when i finally caught up with her, he thanked me and said he will take it from there and he will be back to sign the AMA (against medical advice) paper works.
when he came back, he was very apologetic. and was very open. apparently, his wife was a living saint when sober. now, the drinking had been way out of control, and he was getting scared for their little kid, because sometimes, he would come home from work and she would be so stoned, the house would be in complete chaos. he said he felt like he already tried everything he was told to get her helped, but so far, nothing really worked.
he left the unit with a burden that showed in his face, in his every move. all we could do was wish him well. we all sounded so lame.
i felt sick to my stomach. it was one of those nights when you wish you can have some magic formula handy to make other people’s pain disappear. it was painful to watch him, it was even more painful to empathize.
nursing exposes you to the most difficult burdens people face. we have been trying to stay open and sensitive to a man whose wife is in the final days of alzheimers; has stopped eating,etc. he is in so much pain watching her slip away, wishing a feeding tube would restore her for a little longer but knowing that it will only prolong it. it’s difficult to find the time but he so badly needs to talk. we do our best knowing grieving takes time.
Comment by beth — October 31, 2007 @ 9:23 pm
what a gut wrenching situation for you May. having just completed a year of sobriety, I think back to a time when I was out of control, and the sad thing is that the patient might not get a chance to get help before it’s too late. Ripping out your IV, and refusing treatment just speaks to the fact that she hasn’t quite hit bottom, even though we on this side say,”geez how much lower can she go?”
Comment by bobby — October 31, 2007 @ 9:42 pm
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Pingback by Dont Let DUI Get You Down » the alcoholic patient — November 1, 2007 @ 9:50 am
How sad. It sounds like she’s bipolar/schizo. to me too. I don’t know….at first I felt horrible for him for his wife being the person she is, but knowing they have a child and well…I guess you can’t force people to change, but you most certainly don’t have to be privy to it. I’d take my child and go….she’s a big girl, maybe she’d figure it out by then, but that child is in harms way most definitely.
Comment by kimmyk — November 1, 2007 @ 3:12 pm
She’ll be dead within a few years.
Comment by shrimplate — November 1, 2007 @ 10:44 pm
i’ve seen many lives destroyed by alcohol… what’s sad is that the alcoholic doesn’t always realize that it’s not only his/her life destroyed but also part of those around them
Comment by Rygel — November 2, 2007 @ 7:46 am
I’m always bothered by attitudes like “shrimplate,” even when he/she may be right about her longevity.
I just believe that people with mental illness and/or addictions should be treated with as much compassion and as seriously as the person who came in with a broken leg.
The pain is the same, and the leg heals much easier.
To “Rygel”, sadder is, when the alcoholic DOES realize it…but still, is lost in the disease.
Comment by Ms.Chievous — November 5, 2007 @ 3:43 am
That poor man! The bottle is tough battle; and a real disease. She at least feels good when she’s drunk (but after she feels bad).
Comment by Scott — November 14, 2007 @ 1:24 am
It also sounds like she is suffering from mental illness as well as addiction. It’s a horrible situation for all involved. I hope they are able to find the help they need before it’s too late.
Comment by Leigh — November 14, 2007 @ 10:05 am
I agree with a lot of the comments on here. I’ve been on the other side, and that man who broke down was my father five years ago. My mother has been a binge drinking alcoholic since I was thirteen. Now, 9 years later, I’m in the same place I have been so many times I can’t even count. Sitting at work, reading about alcoholism, waiting to leave so I can go to the ICU to see my mother, laying in a bed, pratically dead. It’s incredibly painful to watch someone die so slowly. She’s ripped her IV access out before and ran out of the hospital, this time the dt’s and withdrawal symptoms have made her so weak she can’t get up to go to the bathroom. She still isn’t ready to stop drinking.
Comment by Michelle — December 14, 2007 @ 2:36 pm
Bipolar Disorder or Manic Depression Causes and Treatment
Bipolar disorder is a psychiatric condition defined as recurrent episodes of significant disturbance in mood.
Trackback by Bipolar Disease — February 6, 2008 @ 8:16 am
Michelle i want to thank you for your comments i have just left an alcholic and your comment reminded me of all the reasons i did. Because at the end of the day you know that until the alcholic has decided enough is enough then you get to live with the alcholism as well only you get it all day every day because all the time when they are drinking you are thinking when will they sober up and if they stop drinking for a while you think when will they drink again its just never ending until they decide to stop or you decide to stop the pain as much as you can.
Comment by karen — March 25, 2008 @ 6:19 pm