i lost it at work, and i hate it that somehow, half of me doesn’t even regret what i said.

P, the AM nurse told me that she sent stool samples for tests ordered earlier. a few minutes later, i was being called for a phone call from the lab. i found out that P forgot to label the specimen, and i was told it can still be fixed if she goes to the lab and label it.

i stamped her the stickers, and told her to go to the lab before she goes home. next thing i know, she was giving her son directions to go to the lab and to give the labels. i’m not sure about his age but i am guessing he’s around 10 or 11. he was waiting for her to finish charting, have finished his homework, and have been waiting for awhile, so he looked pretty excited to break the boredom, and to be given a grown up chore.

i had to think twice before saying a thing, not because i was intimidated by her like everybody else was, but because i cannot believe somebody would even think of something like that. i waited, hoping she was just joking. when i saw that she was actually serious in sending her son, i told her: “P, i think YOU’RE supposed to go there yourself to label the specimen, i don’t think you can send your son to do that.”

she looked at me like i was from some unknown universe, completely and blatantly ignored me, and kept giving her son instructions, then told him to leave.

as expected, a few minutes later, a fuming, reasonably shocked lab personnel called to tell her off. i didn’t hear the other end, but P said: “what is inappropriate about that? my son didn’t sign the labels, I DID! i signed it, and i just asked him to take it there!, well, what do YOU want me to do? okay, THANK YOU!” she hung up, slamming the phone.

she then started self talking outloud: “who does she think she is? what right does she have to call me inappropriate? i don’t understand what the big deal is, it was just a label, and i signed it, and i sent my son, what is wrong with that?”

a minute later, the very angry lab personnel called looking for the charge nurse. P, on the other hand, was mad. she stood behind me, saying: “well, NOBODY told me i was supposed to go there myself!”

by this time, i can hardly contain myself, but i still tried to be calm. “P, i told you to go there yourself.”

“no you didn’t, you said “I THINK….”

now, i am not trying to sound like i am the smartest nurse in our unit, because we all know that is not true, but it was just getting too difficult to stay calm. i mean i can forget the fact that she was too clueless about how inappropriate her act was, but i just couldn’t stand her tone and implication of blaming me for her mistake. when i started my statement with “i think” i said it meaning to be nice, so it wouldn’t sound like i was questioning her for not knowing what she was doing. so, when she emphasized i didn’t tell her EXACTLY that she was expected to go herself, and now that she is in in toruble, it was my fault…i just lost it.

“P, i said “i think” because i didn’t think i needed to explain that. it’s just common sense…”

to which, she sarcastically replied: “well, i guess i’m the only stupid person here who clearly does not have common sense. i don’t understand what’s wrong with sending a messenger. if other nurses can go and give labels, what’s wrong with sending my son?”

i ended up saying, “well, i didn’t mean it that way.”

the drama ended quietly and quickly, because after my last statement, i decided to keep my mouth shut. i didn’t tell her that in situations like these, not even an RN is supposed to go down to the lab and label the specimen. whoever collected the specimen, is supposed to label it. i kept my mouth shut, and i should have kept it shut in the first place.

the discussion reopened after she left. i admit it made me feel good that everybody agreed with me. i realize now that there is something empowering about being cheered on to be mean. a power driven game i didn’t expect i would play, but i did, even for a moment. it felt good for a fleeting second, but i ended up feeling bad anyway, because i know now that i should have known better. it also hit me that although it was so unlike me to lash on somebody like that, i have what it takes to be devilish and mean. it is not a good realization, but now that i know, hopefully, i can do something about it, right? hopefully.

anyway, i had to repeatedly share the story to my poor husband, because until now, i cannot figure out how someone can actually think something like that is okay. i just thought things like these are flat out clear, and one doesn’t have to have a degree to get it that you just don’t go sending some patient’s name to your kid and tell them to go to the lab and label a specimen he has no idea about.

as i said, i was just being bitchy. i wish i can blame this terribly cold weather for my very cold attitude, but i can’t. i am owning it up and yes, i will gather my wits and apologize to P the next time i see her. then, i will cross my fingers and hope that i will not witness similar incident involving her again, because if i will, i won’t have any choice but accept she was right when she said she was the only stupid person in our unit who clearly did not have common sense.

that is a hard thing to acccept about someone, but if she forces me to believe her, what am i supposed to do?

sorry. i know that is a mean thing to say.
but it’s cold.