i was one of the 904.

we had to line up for over an hour, out in the sidewalk. although a few pointed out it was such a long line, nobody really complained seriously. after all, if you’ve waited for years before you become a US citizen, what is an hour under the california sun? i must say this however…it was obvious that everybody defined “proper attire” in his own way. if not, how does one explain the fact that some wore suit with matching ties, while others wore denim jeans like they were going to starbucks or something?

the judge made us raise our right hand as we repeated the oath after him. i got a little emotional when the part about being loyal to the united states was up. i realized the irony of it all. i was pledging allegiance to a country that embraced me for six years, while i declare my “disloyalty” to my homeland, the philippines, which has been my home for 32 years. although i lived in australia for a year or so, i was visiting and studying, so i didn’t really felt like i was there.

the judge then shared his own story. it was typically nostalgic. his grandfather was from lithuania. he came here with $8.00 in his pocket, didn’t speak a word of english, alone, scared, but full of hope. he built a life for himself, and a life for his family. twenty years later, in 1940, he took the oath and was naturalized as an american citizen. as the judge’s voice got emotional, some tried to clear their throat. must be that lump. you know, the lump that forms in your throat when you hear something that you can relate to.

i recognized the story, but since it wasn’t my own, it didn’t really touch me in the same way. i learned to write and speak english in first grade. i came here as an immigrant, ready to take an exam that if i pass, will assure me a good paying job. i came here with a fiance waiting in the airport, a dad who prepared a room for me, and hundreds of friends and family who have seen all the glory and gore. family and friends who shared their experiences without reservations and full honesty, enough to both scare and make me hopeful.

then, the guy from the INS spoke for a few minutes. he told us he totally understood why we may have ambivalent feelings about the ceremony. that it was totally understandable if we feel sad for whatever reasons, because our countries of origin still mean a lot to us. he said he knew, that every single one of us had our story, why we came to america, and why we decided to be citizens and call the united states our home.

he then challenged us to tell our story. to anybody who wants to hear it. he said america needs us, because americans forget how great this country is, and we have that ability to remind everyone who takes the good things for granted.

if you are ANYBODY who wants to hear it, please listen.

seven years ago, i worked in a 4 bed ICU, in a private hospital in the philippines. for an 8 hour/day job, i got paid about $7.00/day. no night or weekend differential, and most of the times, 1-2 hours overtime was for free. often, the doctor’s word was THE the law, and it was an unspoken rule that you are not to question your superiors to maintain peace.

i lived in a house with 22 other professional adults and college students, who paid rent for a bedspace. it was a decent 5 bedroom house with bunk beds and one bathroom. we got paid every 15 days when we’re lucky, every three weeks when the hospital’s budget is tight. most of the times, a few days before the next pay comes, i barely had nothing to buy food. i would then count the days before the next paycheck comes, buy instant noodles, and live off of that.

we paid taxes, and we see where it goes. not to the roads that need fixing, or to the millions who need healthcare, but to those politicians who already are millionaires to begin with. they take it with them when they travel around the world, oblivious to the fact that millions don’t even have anything to eat. the rich gets richer, the poor, well, you know…

speaking of healthcare, for the average filipino it is nonexistent. i have personally seen people die, because they have no money for even the cheapest medicine. we had patients who badly need medicines or procedures, who sold their properties and had no more, and would just wait to die. the waiting list in the government hospital is just too long to even consider. people resort to doing something illegal, things they never thought of doing, because they want their children to live. people will hold you up anywhere, threaten to kill you, with a gun or a knife, for a few hundred pesos and jewelry, and who can blame them? sometimes, one’s moral values get blurred when he/she is overcome by hunger.

the reason why people like me don’t end up begging in the street is not that i was a professional with my own job, but that i have siblings/family who are scattered all over the world, sending me money so i can buy more than noodles. like everybody else, a brother, a sister, a parent, an aunt or an uncle worked outside the country, sacrificed, to provide for those who were home. those who didn’t have such brave and loving families, they suffer poverty beyond belief.

i am not bashing the philippines. the truth may sound and look like that, but it needs to be told. it also needs to be told that depsite all the hardship that a lot of us experienced back home, we were happy. it may sound contradicting, but those years of very little money were good years. we learned how to live within our means and learned how to be creative in stretching that last peso, both in our lives and at work. we learned about relationships and why sometimes, it is more important than money and comfort. we learned that indeed, it is not what our country can do for us, but what we can do for our country. we learned the spirit of sharing and sincerely caring for the underpriviledged, those who had it worse than us.

despite all the undeniable corruption and mismanagement of funds in the government, i will always call the philippines my hometown. i will always be proud that i was born there, that i lived there for a long time, that i am a filipino at heart. and yes, i will still continue to brag that the philippines has the world’s most beautiful beaches. that will never change.

despite all the pollution and poverty, i will always find a spot back home that i will consciously call beautiful, because the philippines is generally a beautiful country, and it is where i have memories of my childhood that made me who i am today. i will always cherish the sacrifices of family members who made my life reasonably comfortable. i will always be grateful to a lot of people, especially teachers, who, despite being underpaid taught me not only about things in the book, but about life itself. i owe them, and if one thing good i can do is not to be a part of the statistic of those dying in poverty back there, i have achieved something.

the united states? it is where i am now, this is where i started my family. this country has given me more than i have ever asked for. there is a reason why i do not hesitate to share my story to those americans who complain about everything because they don’t know any better, or because they have not seen what heartbreaking is. i sometimes get amazed at the amount of taxes i pay, but i see things being done and unlike some who only see the glass half empty, i see the glass half full.

i am pretty sure america is not paradise. i am not naive about the things that make people question the government and the law. i am pretty sure this is not even close to perfect, but if you happen to know what you have not seen, you will be grateful you are an american. if you only see what you dislike, you are missing the point.

as for me, i don’t think i will ever regret my decision to become a US citizen. i once was an australian immigrant, was an RN there, but i chose to be here. i mean no offense to any australian, but it is my opinion that they are, in general, not ready, in so many levels, to treat immigrant workers with the same warm spirit they treat tourists. australians are friendly, but i found it awkward to work with them because they had no real concept of the kind of education i had to be an RN. it was degrading and uncomfortable for me to be treated like i was not qualified to do the work i did, which clearly, i have already proven myself capable.

although i am grateful for the insights i gathered from living in australia for over a year, i didn’t really feel like i belonged there. i’m glad my three sisters, two of whom are nurses have found their places as citizens there, i just didn’t fit. i realize now that i might have a different thought if i was a bit more confident back then, but my insecurities overpowered me and it just didn’t feel right at that time.

on the other hand, i will always hold it dear to my heart that this country welcomed me in its workforce with open arms. a lot of its citizens are genuinely friendly and inclusive, most of its sick appreciated my work, and its resources and equal opportunity labor laws allowed me and my family to experience comfort beyond my imagination. words will never be enough, but i will forever be grateful.

if you are reminded why you should hold your head up and count your blessings for being born in this free, rich, great country, my story is not in vain.