they got a fancy looking trophy with their names and the name of the award on it. they got gift certificates to places that were honestly quite fancy. they were all so thrilled, i almost saw tears.

i was beaming with them, and i was happy that some people had the grateful spirit, and actually took it up a notch by taking time to nominate them for this new award our nurse manager decided we should be getting.

the mechanics of “the angel moment award” is quite simple. a person does something you feel is great, great enough to deserve your time, you get that form on top of the snack refrigerator, fill it up and explain why you feel that nominee should get the award. then, our nurse manager gets the form, buys the crystal looking trophy and have your name engraved on it. at the staff meeting, the story will be told, your award and gift certificate will be presented, everybody claps with matching oooohhhs and aaaaahhhhs, and you get to blush and say thank you.

i have said this before and will say this again. i am probably the only person who gets embarassed being given an award in public. don’t get me wrong, it made me feel warm all over that people actually nominated me to get the annual “a caring heart award” last year. it would have been more special if it came from the patients, but an award is an award, and if it is a fancy looking plaque with a beautifully written explanation of why i deserve to be acknowledged as someone who has a caring heart, i will gladly take it.

i didn’t attend the award ceremony, but my very sweet nurse manager told me that just like the rest of the awardees, i had a standing ovation. imagine that! i would have fainted right there. i requested her to give the award to me in private when she told me of her plan to present it at the staff meeting. i was so relieved she sensed the anxiety.

anyway, back to the new awards. as stupid as it may seem, after the high fives to the awardees, i started hoping that those people i help at work are those who do not really have time to write and nominate me for that award. i am not against recognition of good works, but i do honestly feel that most of the the times, a genuine word of thanks is more than enough.

i know.
it’s arrogant of me to expect that people will actually notice me for helping.
and it’s plain insecurity that i do not want the award.

what can i say?
if i am not ironic, i definitely am a  hypocrite.