when i was a kid, i have seen women being possessed by the devil.
they had this freaky aura that gave everybody the chills.
the way they behaved and the stories they told after the supposed episodes scared me to death, i had endless nightmares that i can still vividly picture.

don’t get me wrong. i am no expert in devil possession. what i have seen in my childhood were things unexplained to me by science maybe because science and technology were not really available where we were at that time. it could be that i just accepted everybody’s “devil possession” explanation because i was ignorant and impressionable. or it could be that the old folks were right. obviously, we choose what we believe in, and still, that doesn’t define us.

anyway, the above is some kind of a disclaimer. because yeah, i will totally understand if like my charge nurse last night, you’ll think of me like i have three eyes and say “and you’re telling me you really believe those things May?”

so, enough digressing. last night, i took care of a patient who brought back all those memories of women possessed. i kept quiet about my observations until another nurse pulled me to the side and told me “i don’t think she can be helped here, i think what she needs is an exorcist.”

P is in her early 60s. aside from a common antidepressant she had been taking for awhile now, she was considered healthy. a few weeks ago, she was admitted to a different hospital because of pneumonia. she was apparently better after a few days, so she was sent home with antibiotics and was given some steroids.

a few days after going home, after taking the prescribed meds, she started acting weird. “weird” is really a  light way to say it, because if you ask me, her behavior was beyond weird.

she constantly fiddled with her little stuffed teddy bear. she caressed it with such tenderness, i wasn’t the only one who thought that the whole sight was extremely uncomfortable to watch. she kissed the bear’s mouth and stroked the bear’s supposed crotch with such sensual longing look, it appeared like she was having a  sexual experience.

she alternately stood up, knelt, or laid in bed and continuously made this elaborate, fluid motions with her hands and legs like she was enjoying a moment with an invisible lover. she slept very little and when she happened to focus her gaze on me, she had this creepy, freaky smile that made my skin tingle.

she has not eaten for almost a week now, and have never initiated to go to the restroom. for 12 hours, she had three episodes of being herself and those times were so short, and unpredictable, it just freaked me out more. like at 3 AM, she all of a sudden took the blanket off her face and out of the blue said “i think i’m thirsty, can i have a drink?”

i went out of the room to get her a drink and when i came back, she was kneeling, both her hands raised in the air, her fingers delicately moving like flickering lights, and she stared back at me and the juice i was holding, like i wasn’t there.

in between what appeared to be a practiced dance, she stared at me for 10 minutes straight, clicked her imaginary remote and acted like i was a telivision set. she frequently changed my channel and smiled for a few seconds when she thought the show was nice. or, she moved around like the second hand of a clock and curled into a ball when the whole 360 degrees work was complete.

psych consult notes were not very helpful. if i read it correctly, they were thinking this sudden change of behavior was a reaction to the mixture of medications. in medical terms, “altered mental status secondary to drug reaction”, that’s what they said. she had been off the steroids for four days now, and all it is really, is a waiting game. physically, the tests revealed nothing significant. so, we wait. and wait.

for the meantime, i will sit at the foot of her bed again tonight, let my imagination spook the living daylights out of me, and like a real pro, appear to enjoy her uninhibited exhibitions. i will be a witness to an unplanned, uninterrupted show of orgasmic trance that will go on and on for rest of the night.

i redundantly felt like an opportunistic voyeur. you see, i’m not even supposed to watch her. i stay in the room because of my other patient in the other bed. a schizophrenic who is obssessed with drinking water. when left alone, she will live in the restroom and attempt to drink the water from the faucet, expecting she can drink enough till it runs dry.

i can do psych. i think i really can. so, can somebody tell me again why they ignored my application at the behavioral health?

just wondering out loud really.

_________________________

thanks to awake in rochester, who tagged me with this 6 word memoir. please check her blog for tagging rules, because i’m lazy to always follow the rules. sorry.

anyway, the following words came up at the moment. they are not constant. the irony doesn’t escape me. i have been comfortable in my contradictions so to speak.

thoughtful.
careless.

opinionated.
apathetic.

joyful.
sentimental.

i don’t have anybody specific to tag. if you feel like playing, considered yourself tagged.