truth or dare
i didn’t ask, but the patient told me that his nurse the night before was T.
“she was mean and i didn’t like her. i’m glad they changed her because i don’t really want her to be my nurse anymore”, he said. he elaborated on incidents why he felt she was mean. i listened quietly and for lack of anything sensible to say, said “okay”.
i felt a little bit awkward because T’s a friend and she was working that night. when the night settled down, she confirmed to me that the patient refused her and that she didn’t know why. “what did he tell you about me, why did he refuse me?” she asked.
caught on the spot and concerned that i will hurt her feelings, i lied. i said the patient did not say anything.
i know.
this is not the first time i lied about stuff like this. if something like this happens again, there must be something else i can do other than lie.
how do you tell the truth without offending the ones involved?
this is such a tough situation. I don’t know if I could have been able to answer that question. What specifically did the patient say that she did? Have you seen any of those tendencies or traits? Perhaps the patient had misconstrued things she said or did, and it could be prefaced to her that way.
I don’t know… in the 10 years I’ve been a nurse I only once ran into this. What the patient said about the nurse co-worker was absolutely true and well known. Even the nurse knew she was like this (very abrupt) so when it was told to her she just shrugged.
Comment by Labor Nurse — May 29, 2008 @ 2:33 pm
this is why white lies are necessary in life.
So to people who claim that they have been honest all their lives, they may be either telling a lie or they may be public enemy number one for being so tactless.
Comment by edgar — May 30, 2008 @ 2:08 am
labor nurse: it’s mostly the way she talks and says things. i know her and that’s how she is. she is a good nurse/person but the way she talks puts patients off sometimes. if i’m right, i think she knows it, it’s just that it’s how she is.
Comment by may — May 30, 2008 @ 5:54 am
I’m such a bad liar when it comes to my friends. So the most gentle way I can say it is that sometimes we just don’t have chemistry with certain people. You can’t like EVERYONE, right? I know that I don’t mix well with certain people, and in that case, when it’s on the job, I just maintain my professionalism.
Comment by unsinkablemb — May 31, 2008 @ 7:15 am
maybe she needs to hear what he said. you don’t need to subject your opinion or judgement. just tell her what he said and that you said “ok”. it’s the patient’s right to choose. if she’s going to take it emotionally then perhaps it would be beneficial…otherwise, take it as a patient complaint and leave it at that. you didn’t say it, you didn’t agree or disagree, and it’s certaintly not your job to defend her. it’s very matter of fact in my opinion. since you asked
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Comment by newgradnurse — May 31, 2008 @ 10:08 am
That’s a difficult situation. I tend to remain silent instead of dealing with things instead of lying, and sometimes that turns out badly. I’m not good at handling situations like that. I wish I were.
By the way, Domino’s Pizza is having a Customer Appreciation day on June 1st. See my blog for details.
Comment by Awake In Rochester — May 31, 2008 @ 8:53 pm
May:
I go with the chemistry thing. Some people will just not like others no matter what they do. It could be due to having a bad teacher like your friend in school (as in she may look or remind the patient of said teacher) or they just may not like the way your friend looks. (sad but true)
I’ve had people tell me they didn’t like x nurse because he/she was “mean” to them and when you asked them what they meant by that, they say something like, he/she didn’t get me any ice or he/she didn’t do x, y, or z that you or the other nurses may have done.
Everyone is different. I always tell patients we don’t know exactly what they want unless they tell us and I make a point to ask them.
People are strange sometimes.
Comment by RehabRN — June 1, 2008 @ 9:07 am
It is very difficult to decide what we have to do.
one is your patient, one is your friend.
theodora
Malaysia
Comment by Theodora Voon — June 2, 2008 @ 2:05 am
My usual response is “well, maybe that nurse was having a bad day, we’re all just human beings here”…which patients seem to forget. Somewhere starting with the Florence Nightingale myth/mystique/angel with the lamp thing, the general public seems to hold nurses on a pedestal and consider them to be angels worthy and capable of happily taking all their shit. Am I ranting? Hell, yes.
Comment by Paula Jacunski — June 9, 2008 @ 9:41 am
Newgradnurse nails it on this one. In this case, be the reporter. It is not your opinion, it is the patient’s. She asked what the patient said, and I think the most friend-like thing to do is to tell her.
Which is more helpful to T: letting her know why that patient didn’t like her as a nurse so that she can be aware of those behaviors and make efforts to not repeat them, or saying nothing and having T continue that same behavior to future patients who will then not have a satisfactory experience?
It would be one thing to run right out of the room and say, “Hey T, this patient thinks you suck!” but in this case, she came to you and asked you what happened. I think you made a mistake by not telling her, because you took away her freedom of choice.
No, it is not the end of the world, and probably not a big deal, (after all, how likely is it that T will change overnight from this experience?), but if we could have a little more honesty and straight-forwardness in life, we would all be able to move just a little closer to being better people.
And to the person who commented that “this is why white lies are necessary in life,” you could not be further from the truth; this is why white lies are harmful.
Comment by Braden — July 6, 2008 @ 10:09 am