she eyed me with a look that made me feel uncomfortable.

i felt like running out of the room, but unfortunately, her husband was not finished embarassing me. he continued elaborating on how great i was, and how i really took care of him.

she tried to stop him mid sentence and asked him if he needed this or that. unfortunately, her husband won’t stop. he continued by enumerating the list of specific things i’ve done that just made his night.

finally, i saw a window of a very short and awkward silence. i said my goodbye very softly, and left the room.

i have been in too many awkward situations as a nurse. nothing beats being praised to the roof like you’re some angel from heaven, while the patient’s spouse is silent, sitting there with a look that speaks volumes. i know the look of gratitude, i’m too familiar with it. there is the other look though, i do not know exactly what it is, but sometimes, it almost looks like jealousy, although i could be wrong. who knows?

male patients especially. their partners/wives/girlfriends get so hyped up about the whole thing like they feel guilty or something for leaving their man to be taken care of my some total stranger. or they feel threatened because their men is taken care of by another woman. i do understand the awkward feeling, but sometimes, it gets way too uncomfortable. they don’t say it, but silence speaks louder. or when they say something, it makes matters worse and maginifies the already awkward situation.

i remember one wife actually asked her husband ”why didn’t you call me?” when he was telling her, in front of me, how  gentle i was when i placed the foley catheter, in the middle of the night, and he finally felt relief after seeing one liter of urine filling up the bag. like i am this husband stealing nurse who can’t keep my hands off her man, at his weakest moments. i was thrown this look that seemed to ask ”why do you have to be so gentle?”

i wish i have the guts to spit it out and tell these women that really, it’s not about me taking their place. i do not change their husband’s gown in the middle of the night so i can get his attention and win his heart. i am totally aware i do not have that charisma, and i am completely conscious of the fact that this is just one of those things i do in my job. 

if you ask me, most of the times it’s just the dilaudid. their men are high on drugs that make them think their nurses should be worshipped. they go on and on and on because they are under the influence.

half of the time, it’s the fact that men and their private parts and body fluids being seen and touched by other women is something very new to them, they don’t know how to react to the whole idea. i personally think it is nothing personal or phycsical. it’s just that he gets to see this person who cleaned his behind and  penis, and he is grateful and has nothing but respect towards her, but doesn’t really know how to say it in a way that won’t sound uncomfortable.

i am not taking the whole situation lightly. i’m pretty sure my husband wouldn’t know how to react around women he only knew by name touching his private parts because he needed help. but as a nurse, i think nothing of it. i seriously have not touched and cleaned a man’s body and private parts and thought “wow we should get together when he’s better”.

seriously. it’s nothing personal/sexual to me. after 15 years of being a nurse, more than 10 years of it spent at the bedside, it’s probably safe for me to say that i have seen/touched/cleaned maybe hundreds of penises, and not even once have i done that task beyond the definition of professionalism. i can’t speak for patients who have erections during the process, but for my own benefit, i consider it as an involuntary physiological reaction. end of story. and i don’t get in trouble.

i’ve been going on and on. too long that this post is almost getting pointless.

i guess what i’m just trying to say is this: men, do not place your wives/girlfriends in an awkward position. it is okay to say thank you, but to linger and elaborate on the tiniest details of what happened during the night was between you and me, and keeping it that way will make things much more uncomplicated. not that it should be kept a secret, but let’s put it this way: your significant other doesn’t really have to know how gentle i was when i was cleaning your private parts. for us ladies, that is way too much information.

and ladies, i understand where you’re coming from with the glaring or uncomfortable glances, i really do. i just hope you find peace in the fact that i have no personal or romantic intentions with your man, and i am just doing my job. i know that sounds unreal when he is constantly talking about how i gently washed his vomit off his chest or rubbed his back to give him a little comfort. those acts may feel way too personal for you to picture, but believe me, i treat your man as a patient who is a human being, in a professional way.

nothing more. nothing less.