so, displacement.

i get it. sick people are usually sweet, nice people who only get to show their ugly side when they are in the hospital, because they can’t help it. when they are dependent on others, they lose control of themselves, their lives, and then they snap.

i get it. i am one hundred percent sure i will go through something very similar if i end up being chronically sick with something that requires me to be at the mercy of people i don’t know, who sometimes act like they don’t care, and sadly, sometimes act like it’s my fault i have an autoimmune disease or something.

i get it. sick people are tired of healthcare people poking, touching, asking, ordering, disturbing them like they have no feelings.

this things are not new to me, and are not unexpected.

i understand that illness and the stress that goes with it blur one’s usual reasonable mind. when you are aching all over and are worried sick that you might lose your life and your all very soon, it is natural to think that most, if not all of the people in the hospital are either a threat, or a nagging piece of calloused human being who go through their responsibilities without any hint of empathy. it is easy for patients to generalize and label every hospitalpersonnel to be the villains of their lives, just because they are the ones who are available to be blamed. i get all that.

i realized that my confusion is based on a selfish sense of entitlement. somehow, despite all the things that patients suffer while they are in the hospital i have often assumed that when they see nurses, they will see people who, for once, are their allies, not their enemies.

it’s logical that they don’t like some of their doctors because they feel like they withhold pain meds, they order unnecessary tests, they come at the most unholy hours and ask the same stupid questions, they don’t really listen. it’s logical that they hate the lab people because they cause them pain. it’s logical that the hate the dietitians because they think the food is crappy. it’s logical that they hate the PTs because they think they force them to do physical activities that they’re still too weak to do. it’s logical that they hate….you get the drift.

but nurses? why hate us? in the midst of chaos, of pain, of goos, and blood, we are the ones who keep patients comfortable and happy. we give even when there is no more to give, we listen, we advocate…you get the drift.

i just thought that that fact separates us from all the “annoying” people in the hospital. i just thought i can just say to every rude patient, “i know, they are all uncaring here, you can hate them all, but spare me, i am an angel, don’t you see?”

i just thought that with the things i especially do in attempts to make patients feel comfortable even when they are in a very uncomfortable situation makes me stand out among the rest, and excludes me from patients’ natural responses to illness.

thank you for your comments. it made me realize i was wrong, and that it was arrogant of me to assume that just because i try to do my job well, i will be treated differently.